Whoops Apocalypse

I am not kidding I accidently found this on YouTube 4.6 minutes after publishing the last post.




CLICK ON THE PICTURE TO SEE A SCENE
FROM THE MOVIE...FEATURING
MICHAEL RICHARDS IN BLACK FACE


this kind of scandal is what blogs and
youtube were made for.

If only netflix had "Whoops Apocalypse"
so I could add it to my Queue.

The Rapture

Some---maybe many---Christians believe that there will be a moment
when all Christians disappear off the face of the Earth

They will be taken to Heaven as everyone else on earth is left to suffer
the Apocalypse/Armageddon/tribulation. Are these words synonyms?

Apocalypse--complete and utter destruction of the world
Armageddon--the final battle on earth between Good and Evil
the Great Tribulation--a period of great suffering at the end of the world where the plagues, famine, and war are brought by the 4 horsemen.



This book was published by Penguin Group in November 2006.



Why didn't I know about the Rapture before?

Empty Gary

a condo across from my house has been becoming realer everyday. When I moved in there was nothing, and now there's a row of 6 houses and as a finishing touch yesterday they layed out some grass over the construction sidewalk and planted two trees. Now it seems like that building has been there forever, thanks to roll-out grass landscaping. No expense spared.

While riding my bike through Gary, Indiana I rode by a whole city that seemed old, built years ago with big arches and intricate industrial town buildings. Almost all the buildings were RUINED. Gary can't even seem to afford windows, they are all missing or broken. Did all the people flee Gary and buy condos in Logan Square? Shouldn't we feel guilty for abandoning our cities or is it simply the way of things to have populations swash around like large pond waves?

I was going to write a long piece about how shocked/embarrassed I was by my semi-racist (is that a word?) Aunt who recently visited me in Chicago. Describe some less than delicate situations at the Cheesecake Factory in the Hancock Tourist Tower, and then wonder what steps I should take to stop the wrongs I see in the world...like racism and bike theft*.

Instead I have been working hard sifting through YouTube trying to find something entertaining for my gentle readers.

Gay Vampire Sex Novels

I'm sick. As usual it starts in my nose and runs out for a couple days giving me big pimples between the nostrils and upper lip and then when the schnoz is about to fall off all the mucus disappears...Into the lungs, where it sits and sits developing a very special kind of infection that also seeps into my ears and leaves me generally confused and unable to breath for a month and a half. This happens at least twice a year.

I should marry an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor.

Speaking of marriage, last night my neighbors had a 'house warming party'. My roommates and I are friends with another roommate couple downstairs so we discussed via cell phone whether or not we should go to the party. One of the boys was VERY against it, he objected because they reminded him of Musical Theater Students, which we all agree is about the most digusting and off putting personality type a neighbor could have.

But who wants to be a hater?

So we went as a group of 4 to the party. While introducing myself to one of the hostesses she said she heard that my bathroom is bigger than hers. I shrugged and told her it was, and then she shouted "WELL Fuck YOU". She meant it as a joke, but I decided to act like she was a freak by playing up the awkwardness of the situation. It was hilarious. I did the same thing when the other hostess made a joke about encouraging us to invite her over for dinner at any time...I tried to react as awkwardly as possible to that one, doesn't she know that only I can make jokes like that?

The party felt like we were sitting in the midst of a DePaul poli-sci class so we left and sat on our porch (maybe rude in that we were obviously not at their party, but sitting right next to it). We sat outside drinking as much as possible and smoking (stupid to do with lungs like mine). Someone with a gender neutral name like Dorian was visiting our boy neighbors. She was a tough looking kid with vegan shoes and a shaved/shaggy died black hair. She spent a lot of time on the phone trying to get her girlfriend some sushi and directions from the airport.

She also told us about how her mom went on a date with Ted Bundy (the serial killer), it was really funny, because of a. the description of Ted b. the fact the mom was so close to death sitting in an empty parking lot with him and being a brunette c. Ted spacing out and telling her about a 16 year old girl he saw in a park that was beautiful and he imagined had been with her father and how he wanted to "marry" the girl d. Dorian's mom trying to talk to Ted about Eastern spirituality and him being turned off by the very vouge topic e. the way dorian told it was like her mom never really went on dates before she met her dad...which is the way parents always like to make love-life appear to their kids... like they just sat in a car together didn't drink or smoke pot or give head or any of that, according to the story they just "sat & talked"

Dorian had just been working on a documentary about Goth Kids and asked us if we or anyone we knew identified as a Vampire. She was just wondering if they really drank each other's blood, etc. This led to a discussion/gushing about the genre of gay-vampire-sex-novels and a show on public access in Columbus, OH that Goth Talk was probably based on.

It was one of the best nights of conversation I'd had in a long time even if it was really heavy on the male and gay side of liberalism and gossip. Dorian is a woman, dating a woman, but she wants to be called a HE. This kind of upset me, the same way one of the boys made a joke about a sick Vampire drinking "tea" which was hot water and a tampon, but then when I told them about The Secretaries and how they killed someone every 28 days they didn't get that it was a PMS joke. Even with these cool people it seems bad to be a woman! Dorian is really cool, why doesn't she want to be identified as a woman? Does thinking of oneself as a woman take away or limit a person that much?

I've been getting upset lately because I feel like the way I am and the power and the creativity and the hair cut that I want to have make me seem like I 'don't want to be a woman' --- but I do. I don't want to feel like I have to be gay to be cool or socially understood. I guess it is kind of funny/odd that within the circles I run, it is more socially acceptable to be gay than straight. Then I get mad and think things like "gay men just hate women & and lesbians really only get hot and bothered over women who act 'like men' or try not to identify as women themselves". I know this is huge and not true on many levels, it is just me fixing the world around my own feelings, which is really not the way the world works.

in not so funny news: the secretaries is over, the cast quit. I have since caught myself saying things like, "I bet if they were men they wouldn't have quit."

Now I have 179 of those little fliers sitting around my house. I had a keg and rented a huge, beautiful studio above Clark Street and no one came. Well that isn't true 11 of my friends came and one strange man named Damen came wearing a purple shirt, giggling awkwardly and by the end of the night singing as loud as he could along with a Stevie Nicks record in the abandoned dance room.

A LOT of people said they would come and then didn't. Sure it was raining and all the way up in Andersonville, but I worked SO hard and none of it seemed to matter. The ten people who were there had a good time, but when anyone who wasn't there asks me how it went, I want to cry and dramatically crumple to the ground pointing an accusing finger at them as I collapse (yes I have become more dramatic as I get deeper into play production). Or I feel like punching in the face and shouting that I lost $95 on a fundraiser!!!

Oh well, at this point I'm not sure if the play will go on. We had, what I like to call, a small coupe from our actors and since then odd things have been happening: I got locked out of my house for an entire day with out any shoes, money, phone, computer, seeing eye glasses, cigarettes, etc; I lost my cell phone while preparing for the party; Rebecca's grandfather died and she was called away to LA Thursday and I haven't seen her since...

It is too bad I'm overflowing with excitement for The Secretaries. Sure a big part of me would love to fail, so people would feel guilty for not helping more. Unfortunately most of me just keeps imagining the play being performed, and I'm so into the actors and the lighting and the set that I don't ever imagine an audience. Maybe that is for the best because at this point I can't imagine we'll get much of one. The theater is really small, only seats 25 people and I think we would charge $7 a ticket, but at this point I feel like there are only 11 people I can expect to come to the show. Oh wait, 12, I shouldn't forget Damen.

a party

*YOU should come

Death Race 2000 (1975)

In the year 2000 a hit and run is no longer a crime, it's a national sport.

when we don't talk to enough people

I just saw American Psycho. Was it real? I don't want to give anything away, so if you haven't seen the movie and don't want anything ruined (re:the end) skip to the next paragraph. The real estate woman at the end of the movie was THE BEST part--second was him showering/talking about various soaps and lotions. When I ask people who've seen the movie if they think he really did it or simply imagined murdering-- most people say they think he really did it. Most agree that the only clear thing about the ending is the ambiguousness of whether or not he did it. Viewers generally decide if he did it or not based on what they think is more disturbing. I think it's way scarier if he didn't really do it and is just mind fuck confused...why doesn't anyone else think that? Maybe because they haven't had sex with a schizo.


Viewers also agree Christian Bale's body is perfect, in the most frightening sense of the word.

Maybe you never watched this movie because you were afraid of all the blood and cutting it would entail...but really most of the footage was taken up with beautiful shots of business cards and well gelled businessmen's hair.

If you're wondering what The Secretaries will be like, think of American Psycho and switch all the male characters with females, all the money and good food with blouses and slimfast.

This film was also directed by a woman! She must be a god is my first thought...then IMDB tells me she also did The Notorious Bettie Page and I Shot Andy Warhol. Those movies were offensive because their topics seemed so great, but the films SUCKED.



Then I saw Godard's Weekend. All about how humans/bourgeois just like to hit and stab and kill and eat each other. Great. Lots of blood and color. Made all the others like masculine/feminine make sense...he really does hate humanity. It was also reminiscent of Death Race 2000 (apocalyptic film with Sylvester Stallone). If you don't have netflix it's over between us.

The Secretaries

What has she been doing? Where has she disappeared to on the internet?

I've been spending all my internet time on myspace.com/cultofsecretaries. Trying to make it look cool and trying to get as many influential friends as possible. I almost fell out of my chair when I figured that I could change the background with HTML. Even though you can't read anything about us because of the lumber-esque background--I feel like a computer god.

Feeling like a god is good because lately I've felt impotent, stupid, and disoriented. I blame most of this on the 20 year old drama students in our cast. They have never heard of Pabst, to say they don't drink is putting it lightly. They think that smoking pot is exactly the same as taking PCP; coffee gives them the shakes. As I said before I seldom trust people who aren't addicted to anything.

They like to do things like sing songs from musicals, make jokes about asking hot guys out (and then never do it), and go tricker-treating. It is not that I think all theater students are lame, my problem with them is that I happen to know that people like my sisters are really NOT lame, so what gives? They keep telling me things like "you need to make choices with this line" or "I think you need to think about what that word means to your character." We are directing the play collaboratively so when I suggest crazy things like, "why don't we jump into the audience and spray them with blood? or do the whole play with our back to the audience? or instead of choreographing this why don't we really fight and hit each other in that section?" They keep shooting me down wishing to remain true to the tenants of theatrical tradition.

more on them later

To prove that I really am consumed by The Secretaries I'll tell you about the trip Rebecca and I took to Victoria Secret. The play is set in 1994, and the women are crazy about Victoria Secret. There is a scene where the boss puts her hand down my dress and talks about how great my bra is. I figured A. I had better own a bra B. I should try to get one at Victoria secret.

I asked Rebecca to go with me for moral support. The sales woman was super excited to help us. She told us all about bras in the early nineties, the new technologies, seams, colors, shapes, etc. She offered to measure me...the main reason I don't wear bras. She tried to make me feel better by saying I was 34b. I was like, "give me all the padding you can, I want my breasts pressed up to my chin." Turns out Victoria Secret doesn't do that, and they get offended if you use the word 'wonderbra' (it's another company all together). I paraded around the store in a bra and jeans trying to get used to it for the play. When I realized I would be spending over $50 for a bra that was going to get covered in fake blood and I would never even want to wear even under a shirt, I put them all back on their hangers, put my shirt on and left.

When not out and about I'm sitting in my house saying my lines out loud. Things like "we all come in different shapes and sizes" or "I think that blazer looks really neato" or "She's just so pretty"...my character is the lame one with lines that reflect such. Don't worry the play is awesome and totally worth all this time.