Saturday, November 18, 2006

Gay Vampire Sex Novels

I'm sick. As usual it starts in my nose and runs out for a couple days giving me big pimples between the nostrils and upper lip and then when the schnoz is about to fall off all the mucus disappears...Into the lungs, where it sits and sits developing a very special kind of infection that also seeps into my ears and leaves me generally confused and unable to breath for a month and a half. This happens at least twice a year.

I should marry an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor.

Speaking of marriage, last night my neighbors had a 'house warming party'. My roommates and I are friends with another roommate couple downstairs so we discussed via cell phone whether or not we should go to the party. One of the boys was VERY against it, he objected because they reminded him of Musical Theater Students, which we all agree is about the most digusting and off putting personality type a neighbor could have.

But who wants to be a hater?

So we went as a group of 4 to the party. While introducing myself to one of the hostesses she said she heard that my bathroom is bigger than hers. I shrugged and told her it was, and then she shouted "WELL Fuck YOU". She meant it as a joke, but I decided to act like she was a freak by playing up the awkwardness of the situation. It was hilarious. I did the same thing when the other hostess made a joke about encouraging us to invite her over for dinner at any time...I tried to react as awkwardly as possible to that one, doesn't she know that only I can make jokes like that?

The party felt like we were sitting in the midst of a DePaul poli-sci class so we left and sat on our porch (maybe rude in that we were obviously not at their party, but sitting right next to it). We sat outside drinking as much as possible and smoking (stupid to do with lungs like mine). Someone with a gender neutral name like Dorian was visiting our boy neighbors. She was a tough looking kid with vegan shoes and a shaved/shaggy died black hair. She spent a lot of time on the phone trying to get her girlfriend some sushi and directions from the airport.

She also told us about how her mom went on a date with Ted Bundy (the serial killer), it was really funny, because of a. the description of Ted b. the fact the mom was so close to death sitting in an empty parking lot with him and being a brunette c. Ted spacing out and telling her about a 16 year old girl he saw in a park that was beautiful and he imagined had been with her father and how he wanted to "marry" the girl d. Dorian's mom trying to talk to Ted about Eastern spirituality and him being turned off by the very vouge topic e. the way dorian told it was like her mom never really went on dates before she met her dad...which is the way parents always like to make love-life appear to their kids... like they just sat in a car together didn't drink or smoke pot or give head or any of that, according to the story they just "sat & talked"

Dorian had just been working on a documentary about Goth Kids and asked us if we or anyone we knew identified as a Vampire. She was just wondering if they really drank each other's blood, etc. This led to a discussion/gushing about the genre of gay-vampire-sex-novels and a show on public access in Columbus, OH that Goth Talk was probably based on.

It was one of the best nights of conversation I'd had in a long time even if it was really heavy on the male and gay side of liberalism and gossip. Dorian is a woman, dating a woman, but she wants to be called a HE. This kind of upset me, the same way one of the boys made a joke about a sick Vampire drinking "tea" which was hot water and a tampon, but then when I told them about The Secretaries and how they killed someone every 28 days they didn't get that it was a PMS joke. Even with these cool people it seems bad to be a woman! Dorian is really cool, why doesn't she want to be identified as a woman? Does thinking of oneself as a woman take away or limit a person that much?

I've been getting upset lately because I feel like the way I am and the power and the creativity and the hair cut that I want to have make me seem like I 'don't want to be a woman' --- but I do. I don't want to feel like I have to be gay to be cool or socially understood. I guess it is kind of funny/odd that within the circles I run, it is more socially acceptable to be gay than straight. Then I get mad and think things like "gay men just hate women & and lesbians really only get hot and bothered over women who act 'like men' or try not to identify as women themselves". I know this is huge and not true on many levels, it is just me fixing the world around my own feelings, which is really not the way the world works.

in not so funny news: the secretaries is over, the cast quit. I have since caught myself saying things like, "I bet if they were men they wouldn't have quit."


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