today has been totally productive. I have done things like cut my nails, drink ice water, stare out the window hoping to see my neighbor, left a message on the answering machine of one of my sisters, wrote a postcard to my grandma about it being so hot my knees are sweating and casually mentioning the continuation of racism in Chicago

What it means to be a bike Expert

Last night at 10:12 pm my friend and fellow Bike Ambassador called me from the Drugstore.

"sarah, I have a really quick question. How do you open your light?"

"oh, I'm glad you called Rod. You use a quarter or a penny. and just pry it open. "

"I have a quarter. Do you really think it will work? I don't want to break it."

"trust me"

----------------------------------------- ------ --- -------- ------ ------ ------------ ------- ----
phone 4:10pm, neighbor calls

"hey I just got a rack put on my bike"
"cool"
"sarah, how do I get a milk crate?"
"you steal one"

that was back when the attic was filled with coffins

Till 1987 my house was The Head-Quarters of the KINGS. My mom in Virginia would call them the Latin Kings, but here in Humbolt Park it goes with out saying. This is where they sold all their drugs. Carmella, our landlady, says the whole house was rigged when she bought it. If the police rang, which they certainly did, Coyote could just push a button and it would ring in every room of the 4-story house (includes big attic and basement). When the Kings heard the bell they knew what to do and they would quickly hide all the drugs. Carmella called him Coyote like we all knew him.

When she moved in, aside from all the normal wear and tear and marks from crowbars and break-ins the doorknobs were changed. When the Kings lived here every doorknob was a coffin. When they left they all got changed and sat in a pile in the attic.

She told us this story yesterday as she worked hard with a screwdriver changing our door knob. It had been smashed during the night. Someone broke in while M. and I was sleeping. They stole a computer, a stash of weed, and a jar of change. I guess Carmella was trying to make us feel better, glad we weren't there in '87. Whatever Carmella. I'm Coyote now, and I'll sleep with a gun.

his shorts were so short I could see his balls. pink and hairless. as we sat in the sand. Later I remember that I too was wearing short shorts, and not much on me is 'hairless'. oh god.

he does dress well, don't get me wrong, and we were at the beach so I shouldn't complain.
a bling belt buckle made out of glued together quarters. Nice because it made me realize how much I could do with a glue gun and some shelack.

Kind of friendly. Warned me from the begining that he generally doesn't like people. Maybe just 2 or 3 in the entire world are bearable. I generally think that if everyone in the world seems like a jerk to you, maybe it is you who is the jerk and not the rest of the world.

I keep feeling that the only reason he wanted to hang out with me was because of my mod earings and hair cut. That is not a good feeling.

Tells me: he is good at giving physical affection. only dates women who are 5'8" with brown hair. an ass, not tit man. a hot flash runs through my body like all my blood just jumped up just once and tried to escape.

I nod. is he hitting on me? I can't really tell. If someone asks you out should you just assume they want to hit it or do you have to wait for them to show it?

I am too slow. He gets tired and says he has to go home and take a shower. Later that night he calls, sorry he can't hang out any more tonight; he has to help his old girlfriend, she lost her wallet.

Spin the Bottle

God; at this point I would throw a party
with the sole purpose of hoping we play spin the bottle.
I don't even care who is at the party.

city of god

city of God. [draft NOTES on the movie, this will be edited so read it again later]

why do I like this movie so much?
hot people, in hot clothes (short) seventies, eighties
--always good to see people from other countries at different times...because what it was like in america in the 70's has been pounded into our heads already.

young
it is them in power, we are often ignored
looked at the imdb and all the major actors were born in 1983, the same year I was, felt like they were speaking my words.

the language: the brazilian portugese sounds like english to me in the way they speak it, I imagine that is simply the effect of an old language taken to the new world and spread across a big new country (usa,english; brazil;portugese)

it might help a lot that it is in subtitles, maybe I would think the dialoge was cheesy or poorly acted if I could understand what they were saying. I also really like subtitles, because they are like poetry to me, I love SEEING what people say, it is often so simple (compared to writen words).

all the characters, 325, all different special, stepping in and out. not so clearly good or bad, all driving the plot wether or not they want to.

color, and shots are beautiful, kind of cheesy like the movie TRAFFIC in that modern way, but this is better, somehow doesn't seem like a style war.

all the guns and the shooting and the cowboy,
but at the same time social work aspect of the movie. how sick to kill and then how little a life means all at the same time.

mixing of races, trying to figure out what it means. little hints, who's in power? someone said nigger, who dyes their hair blond, which girl is liked the most (the white one)

but they all seem to hang together, which is awesome and exciting in my american segrigated eyes

It is like american apparel sexy, but a whole movie about it. people looking young and dirty and like they want to get fucked/fuck and like it is hard to tell the difference between the 2.

Beirut

Why isn't everyone sick and tearing the throats out of EVERYONE in Israel? Two soldiers were taken hostage and now it makes sense to bomb a whole country. 2 Soldier lives are equal to a whole country of civilians. Makes sense.

Even the idea of using bombs is the most pussy disgusting thing ever. Why is it every okay to kill someone else? WHY ISN'T EVERYONE IN THE WORLD RIOTING??

Why does this seem so much more outragous to me when I listen to news of the war on the radio compared to our war in Iraq? Maybe because we call it something different. See what the media can do. This washingtonpost.com link shows people sitting in a classroom.

Summertime BF

IT never fails. As soon as I am ready to kiss or even sleep with someone they forget about me (literally) or decide we are best as friends -- as they begin holding hands with someone else in front of me and we walk in a group of three.

Sure a 4 week build up is a long time, and I'm secretive never letting anyone know I like them, but all this should expected right? I don't want to come off as a Jezebell in the first month.

My little sister told me it has nothing to do with love or matches or any of that stuff, it is all really timing. I'll have to catch someone while I'm in the perfect bell curve swing of hormones and loneliness. Then and only then will I be agressive enough to let them know or even have intentions.

Most of these things seem much too big, so at this point or this point 5 weeks ago I decided I wanted to get a summertime boyfriend. Sounds easy. Someone to drink beer with when the sun goes down, someone to go to the beach with or sit on the porch next to.

I've been getting overly 'romantic' lately and these ideas have come-up regarding couples: silence + sound = so good together you might as well not have one without the other.
Dating someone really just means you can stare at them and it is okay (same with having little-little kids and pets). Usually we can't really at anyone, really examine them all the wierd parts of their face and body, how they move their nose, which way their hair grows, knees, fat, freckles.

The Day Camps

From 10am-4pm I work with 2 high schoolers. We bike all over the city going to summer camps teaching 7 year olds how to be "better" bikers; which means being polite when passing pedestrians, wearing a helmet, and making sure their chain is not rusty. Asking the kids questions is always good because it keeps them interested. When we ask what on the bike starts with the letter "C" everyone shouts out "seat". Good job, I say, "close, who can raise their hand and tell me something else that starts with C?" It doesn't seem right to tell them seat doesn't start with a 'c'.

lumpen \LUHM-puhn; LUM-puhn\, adjective;

plural lumpen, also lumpens:
1. Of or relating to dispossessed and displaced individuals, especially those who have lost social status.
2. Common; vulgar.

pictured above: Black Panther Party Revolutionary Singing Group,"The Lumpen"

Sex and Fury: Yakuza

Lately I have been watching a lot of cheesy movies: from the 70's, sexploitations, and Japanese gangster movies. With Sex and Fury I get it all. Ocho, the main character, is a total bad ass woman out for revenge, covered in colorful tatoos, good at cheating and stealing, and always killing bad men with a sword while naked.

I've slowly been steeped in Yakuza culture (Yakuza are gangsters). A lot of the families seem to have taken off after WWII when everything was in a shambles. It is strange because in all movies about the USA after the war, in the 50's there don't seem to be any problems, even the bad guys are clear about what is right and wrong. In Yakuza movies everything is sticky and ill fated. If you do something wrong you have to make up for it by letting the person you offended cut off one of your fingers. EVERY movie has someone loosing a finger.

they were so quick it had to be blurry

4th of July: East Meets Mid-West

This is the first time I have not been on the east coast for the 4th of July. Here in Chicago it seems a much purer experience. There is hardly a hint of patriotism, every house isn't flying the stars and stripes, there is no heated debate about who was better Thomas Jefferson or George Washington (there are still rather strong feelings on the subject in Virginia...if you want to get to know someone at a party it is considered a perfectly legitimate question T.J./G.W.? , ...some people claim they can tell, have a radar-like-sixth-sense for sensing republicans, gays, jews, or Jeffersonians).

There is no pretense about the holiday here in Chicago, it has nothing to do with time, history, nation, independence, or flags. They don't even celebrate it on the 4th. All the real partying happens on the 3rd, that is when the city does all the fireworks and everyone has parties. I had to ride to work at 7 am today and it was quieter than a Sunday morning. Everyone takes the 4th as a day to recover from the 3rd, and set off the fireworks they didn't get to last night.

Technically I have been hearing fireworks since May, but since Friday the explosions have been non-stop in my neighborhood. People do not even wait for night fall. The streets are littered with wasted rockets and little fire crackers. Last night 2 little boys were trying to light some fireworks on the sidewalk. They could not even lite a match they were so young. I watched them try for 2 minutes. I wondered if I should help them. ---I grew up in a state where the only fire works you could buy were sparklers, you had to cross the boarder into West Virginia or N. Carolina to get anything worth lighting. (It was also illegal to buy liquor on Sundays.) So part of my native conservative soul still feels fireworks are as bad as liquor. Helping them light the match would have been like giving the 6 year olds forties. On the other hand the Virginian in me would have easily lit their cigarette.

this was sent in july

THe purest form or Chicago Cholos art

Because You're Sentimental

A Truck near my House

click the picture for a better view

Patsy Cline Lyrics

I walk for miles,
along the highway,
well that's just my way,
of sayin I love you.


____________________________

Now get out in that kitchen and rattle those pots and pans
Now get out in that kitchen and rattle those pots and pans
Roll my breakfast cause I'm a hungry man

I said shake rattle and roll
I said shake rattle and roll
I said shake rattle and roll
Daddi-O
I said shake rattle and roll
Well you don't do nothin' to save your doggone soul

I'm like a one-eyed cat peepin' in a seafood store
I'm like a one-eyed cat peepin' in a seafood store
Well I can look at you tell you don't love me no more

Well I said shake rattle and roll
I said shake rattle and roll
Daddi-O
I said shake rattle and roll
I said shake rattle and roll

Well you don't do nothin' to save your doggone soul