The SMiller Update

1.  Well I've been back from Israel for a while. Except I never went.  I freaked out the last minute and realized that white water rafting down the river Jordan with a bunch of strangers wasn't really what I wanted to do.  I made a series of fakation post cards.  See them here.  I felt overwhelmed by guilt and shame and hid.

2.  I coordinated a HUGE fundraiser for West Town Bikes.  I was incharge of the over 100 volunteers.  They all got fancy t-shirts made out of bamboo and free beer.  Should that really be considered volunteering?  The hipsters almost lost control of their bowels when I handed them the limited edition American Apparel...do they care nothing for the plight of the starving panda?  I hate them.

3.  I prepared for my motorcycle drivers test.  What won't I do for a boy with a beard?  I should probably buy a pair of leather or fire fighter pants so as to protect my legs from being flayed when I inevitably slide across the highway pinned under a 300 pound hunk of Honda.

4.  I'm teaching a summer class in a Little Village Boys and Girls Club.  The neighborhood sounds ridiculously tame "little village" and the term boys and girls club disguises the ridiculous attitudes and general ridiculous-ness of working with teenagers.  Luckily all the frills and funniness of my job disappeared on our first field trip (a five block walk to the park).  I led the 18 teens on a forced march to the park for exercise.  We'd been there for 5 minutes when a group of boys came running towards us.  I went up to the leader and asked "what was going on?" he held up an exacto knife and told us to get the fuck out of the park.  Then the blur of gold and tatoos rushed by me after one of my students. I tried to kick/trip him but he chased my kid down and stabbed him a couple of times on the face and the back.  Then another was beaten.  General mayhem insued as the 20 boys who I later learned were 'Satan's Deciples' the militant wing of the Gangster Deciples scared the shit out of all my students.  We finally got out of the park with the help of some homeless men who were hit over the head with bricks (I hung out with them for a while in the ER later that day).  The cops didn't show up till we had walked back to the bastion of innocence, the Boys and Girls Club.  Only one of my kids was covered in blood.  The rest were left alone.  I think the S.D. realized we weren't a gang of Latin Kings.  So after the leader came back and kicked the white bitch who kicked him in the shins they left us alone.  

Luckily the summer program wasn't shut down.  But we did decide we wouldn't leave the building unless we were all wearing purple t-shirts (the only non gang color left in Chicago).