saboteur

I think I have been trying to 'let myself go' and get into some pitiful state of being so as to make my former employer feel sad and guilty for wasting one of the brilliant minds of our time. I see myself a leather skinned/too much sun messenger with almost dreaded hair, missing teeth, riding a crappy bike downtown as a messenger...all the bike non-profits would see me and shake their head as they witness my slow deterioration..."what a shame" they'd say to each other.

Then as for a final show I'd get hooked on some ridiculous drug like Ecstasy or crack and would be found sleeping downtown on the sidewalk while dressed up people with health insurance would step around me during their lunch break. That'll show them not to fire me...or at least send them into a world of regret.

This was my subconscious plan. I recently voiced it to myself and Justin and realized the faults in said plan. All the non-profit scabs will really just think to themself "wow, we were right not to hire her, she's obviously a loser...and a user...and a..."

What I have to do now is get a job with the United Nations or the NY Times or something way better than them...that'll make em wish they had me back...which is all I really want (I don't actually want to go back). some might say I should worry more about myself being happy instead of just focusing on making other people sad/regretful. Life is obviously too short.