Chicago Sit

2011-08-17T05:43:00.002-05:00

It is time for a new name or format...as DC sets in. In the mean time my notes on first days of school.

1. Suicide training (it seemed surprising, but I guess it shouldn't be. teens are at high risk for suicide, people in jail are also at high risk, people with aids are also at high risk=my kids)

2. I joined the union. i hate not trusting the union, so far they seem like oil.

3. I love my co-workers, there are only 24 of us in the entire school.

2011-04-26T13:30:00.002-05:00

Summer has caught me unaware and unprepared.

Food fashion has suddenly changed. Yes! I work in the food fashion industry as a barista.

While espresso used to say it all, it's hot now and water is all that really matters.

Water?!

Who sells water or makes fashion from water...as sexy as the white t-shirt...Southerners who know.

Versions of water I think will make my life better, elegant and this headache go away (perpetually de-hydrated).

-Water left in the fridge in a glass bottle (it looks better than a plastic pitcher, easy to grab and the cold glass feels good on yr mouth when you sneak gulps from the common bottle).

-cucumber slices in water

-lemon slices in water (not personally a fan of lime)

-lemon cucumber in water

-lemon cucumber mint in water

-ice tea

-mint ice tea

-lemon ice tea

-lavender soda (diy)

-ginger mint soda

Nick and I are going to bottle soda...should be ready in 2 weeks! We'll let ya know how it goes.

sardines

2011-03-24T10:28:00.003-05:00

"GOOD NEWS: you can get 40% of your daily vitamin D by eating an entire can of sardines."

--bon appetite magazine

1. who eats an entire can of sardines in a sitting?

2.40%?!? that's literally not even half of anything.

3. they're staring at me.

4. When I think of Vitamin D fans I think of the doctor with orange skin who gets shots of 2,000% of your daily vitamin d in his ass everyday. Will a can of

sardines bring me closer or further away from this media maven?

5. love how we forget that 15 min of sunshine gets us our vitaminD. It's like forgetting that kids with ADD don't have to take Eli Lily Drugs if they just run around everyday.

ear nose and throat

2011-03-21T15:44:00.005-05:00

Spring is here. Forsythia goldenrods and magnolia trees are overwhelming the southside, the fancy side of DC. A capitol hill garden tour is robust this time of year. The cherry blossoms aren't out, but they are tough, dark pink nodes in preparation.

All this Spring also means allergies. As a kid growing up in the swampy dc suburbs, I can barely remember a change of season that didn't incapacitate my lungs. The mucus and whezzing was all I really thought of when I saw the coming of flowering trees and new grass. I was proud of how well I could blow my nose and dreaded the times when my asthma attacks would force me to flee the classroom with violent and untamable coughs. Like kids in the inner city who tell grownups they want to be a cop because that's the professional they see the most...I wanted to be an Ear, Nose+Throat Doctor because that's who I saw all the time as a 5-17 year old.

When I moved to the midwest it was amazing. My asthma and allergies disappeared. I could breath in the spring & fall. I figured it was part of becoming a lady, at 18 I grew out of childish things, like allergies and baby fat?!

Now that I look back I realize I lost weight because I lived in a vegan house of poor cooks and walking was my only form of transportation. The allergies, while I thought I'd grown out of them, I now realize I had just hidden from. As soon as I moved back to DC my seasonal fight to breath began again. I sleep on the couch because my coughing wakes everyone on the second floor, and I hang out with my mouth open all the time, nose full of perpetual junk.

Antihistamine drugs do odd things and now my ears are blocked in weird ways making hearing hard.

Is it those stately gardens I should curse? The mysterious oak pollen, southern swampy atmosphere, or the fact that allergies are my birthright?

Why DC'ers Don't Eat Meat...or much of anything

2011-02-26T18:50:00.004-06:00

" 'I don't eat meat.I don't eat anything that comes from the sea:moral reasons.

I don't eat tree nuts; peanuts are fine, coconut isn't.I don't think my body likes white flour, I mean gluten.No Dairy, Please. ' "

Everyone in DC is full of Dietary restrictions, most mildly passing picky comments that leave a woman who likes to host dinner parties in a cold sweat. I've live for years in a vegan co-op, worked in vegetarian restaurants etc. But for the life of me I only have 2 good vegan gluten free main dish recipes in my repertoire. I have tons of vegetarian + gluten free side dishes I can make...but you can't really make a dinner party event out of a salad or a vegetarian pizza without dough or cheese.

There's something about the cooking and sharing of a GIANT piece of meat with a crowd that I MISS from the Mid-west. A roasted chicken or brisket is a testimony from the cook to the crowd...it means you worked for hours to share...and it requires a commitment from the crowd, none of the baked body can go to waste! Everyone must pitch in at the meat themed dinner party. Unlike the salad party, where the biggest marvel is the freshness or the localness...we can pretend to be connected to the farmers...but for most of us it's just the money that connects us to the farmer and their product (we do little but rinse and chop).

Why is everyone so ready to give up the meat merriment/sharing tradition in DC? I think it's because all my new friends are either young, 'type A', or both. DC is inhabited by recent college graduates (22yrs old no older) and then there's a jump to the 35 year olds who moved here after working their asses off in some far off realm of the country and then get promoted to the top: the National Offices in THE District. Why the extreme dietarty restrictions for these odd populations: 1. it's mildly hip to be picky, makes you seem cool 2. The Youth and the Type A achievers suffer from the desire/belief that they can control their destiny. They can choose exactly what they're made of, every aspect of their personal composition and eating.

HA! No one in Chicago thinks that way! Chicagoans take what we can get on the plate and elsewhere. Any chance of protein is taken, not questioned. In DC people only move for recreation (not a big physical labor job market) so they don't actually NEED food. they like to place food in the same catagory as a fashonista places her daily attire: it's an art form. You don't just wear what ever is lying around at the Gap, you hunt and prep and compare with others your garment/food-statement/choice.

Emoticon Mirages :\

2011-02-22T10:41:00.002-06:00

My ability to communicate seems to have disappeared. Without having to write more than short txts and chat with customers while they wait for skim lattes I have devolved into a puddle-blob of walking adjectives/emotion. My frilling poet ways seems to have grown stronger, I can muse and rift on any topic, the more inconsequential the more color I can add to it.

The ability to pinpoint and be precise, to divinate meaning from overwhelming environment is gone. If I uploaded pictures I couldn't pen a caption. The concept of limit and focus eludes me. I have several amazing projects started, and none finished. Clarity seems to come only through dreams of not doing things and moments jogging at 5 in the morning. where is it going? how will it end?

A strict regiment of lazering my brain? bringing it into focus pretending things and projecting definitives into space that isn't there. I have a strong reluctance to label or firmly direct anything which makes this blur and lack of ability to write a convincing essay so nebulously strong.

Intelligentsia in DC

2010-11-06T14:04:00.005-05:00

Just walked to my local coffee shop, an espresso wine bar I was actually too afraid to go in for quite a while it looked so swank. Walked in, waited in line and then got a cup of intelligencia coffee. So good, the mystery insta-cold I'd gotten the day before seemed bearable. How did Intelligencia make it all the way to DC? Is there really such a lack of good coffee in the country? Is the Mid-West the place for good roasters? Farmer Dan, revolution brewing, ancora, metropolis? All of them kick more dark roast ass than Intelligencia in my opinion. Proof marketing an chutzpah goes a long way in $ market.

I am infinitely glad there's a wonderful coffee shop near my house. To me it is a sign of good living like clean sheets or a good hair cut, something with infinite value that you generally appreciate only in its absence.

Jack and the Devil makes pumpkins/carved turnips

2010-11-05T08:37:00.004-05:00

how is it I never heard this story?

The story of the Jack o'Lantern comes from Irish folklore. Jack was a crafty farmer who tricked the Devil into climbing a tall tree. When the Devil reached the highest branch, Jack carved a large cross in the trunk, making it impossible for the Devil to climb down.

In exchange for help getting out of the tree, the Devil promised never to tempt Jack with evil again. When Jack died, he was turned away from Heaven for his sins and turned away from Hell because of his trickery. Condemned to wander the earth without rest, Jack carved out one of his turnips, took an ember from the devil, and used it for a lantern to light his way. He became known as "Jack of the Lantern."

I found it while looking up pumpkin seed roasting recipes on allcooks.com

The only explanation is my racism against the Irish has kept me ignorant. This is a GREAT story, filled with good and bad and the regular guy loosing.

1.25 inche baby

2010-10-26T11:22:00.000-05:00

First day in DC, officially:

2010-10-12T13:13:00.003-05:00

Biked up hills for the first time, so rewarding! Got lost on several States (confusion when West Virginia turned into Montana?). Catholic University domes, ethiopian coffee shop, rasta key maker using hammer for $3, search for public utilities, ride on the Metropolitan branch trail right through the industrial back ends of the city on smooth pavement towards the white egg dome of the Capital.

Searched for internet behind the Capital, none without congressional password. Tried to find free internet everywhere and everyone was mean, really mean. Security guards told me to scat, business ladies on their black berries gave me scowling looks, squirrels tried to steal my lunch.

The not-for-tourist guide talked hipster-holier than though shit about EVERY neighborhood (everything is either scrappy or 'burby). Tired by the time I got to the library of congress I decided to go in, after walking my bike around for 10minutes trying to find a parking place. Couldn't get through the metal detector, till a kindly(?) security officer offered to frisk-me. Everyone warned that the library of congress was no library for plebeians, just for actual congress. Beautiful reading room is off limits and everything seemed extremely exclusive. About to leave in a haze of hunger and bouncing tour guide lectures on white marble I decided to get up the nerve to ask the information desk on the way out...'is there a place where I can use my computer?' She offered her desk, "you can sit here" she waved to the chair next to her, "if you need to plug in. Or you can sit anywhere you like." Wow, thank you! Now I'm sitting in the beautiful hall, searching craigslist for jobs.

Virginias' got a Different Culture

2010-09-05T15:04:00.000-05:00

Not black or white in Paris, Choose Gray

2010-08-16T21:30:00.009-05:00

Hot Time Summer in the City

2010-07-07T09:34:00.002-05:00

Summertime Sarah. Three shades darker in cut offs. The sweatier the friend the better. It is so hot you can only really feel awake after 10pm.
leads us to the hideout.

2010-07-06T09:17:00.002-05:00

now I notice them all the time,
Mulberries.
the ground is wet and dark stained from them
a circle on the sidewalk, inking to the pavement.maybe before we couldn’t help it
but now i can’t help but notice,
since the walk
where he reached up from no where
and pulled the white ones down.
not yet black.
sweet.
a tree he used to tend when he was a child
part of a garden divided into four, representing the 4 natures of childhood.

The tree followed him from persia, new america, to settle over his shoulder
on a lonely hill road in france.
he prepares a napkin to carry extras home to her.
she sleeps and waits
her time
his time
but still together

the trees’ name is charlie.
but that is between him
and charlie, not me says the sorcerer.

he carries them home to her in a paper towel,
a napkin, a pocket
a cupped hand

mulberries
the tree has followed him
here.
now it has sent one for me.
in chicago i step on the berries
by the bus stop, the black fence and the 4 boys playing basketball.
maybe they were there before,
but i never noticed.
most never notice
the bus and the busy walkers just go over them
slightly annoyed by the moist black marks .
for them black mess is black mess.

since he lifted up and gave me three
is has not been the same.
now I want to reach and pick them off the ground, the low branches and climb for the higher ones.
place them in a napkin in my pocket
carry them home to him
while he rests.

put it’s juice on the outside of an envelope and mail it to the further one.
a thank you that the tree has followed me.

sorcerer
charlie

Driving bad for health & race relations

2010-04-25T18:46:00.005-05:00

I normally bike everywhere: to work, to play, to north, west and south-side schools in 'bad' (poor and minority) neighborhoods. I normally like bicycling because I am much closer to the environment...and by environment what I really mean/care about is people. I don't know if you've ever gone down Augusta Ave between Central Park and Pulaski but it is HOPPIN. There are probably 7 young men standing out on every other block. That's a lot of guys just standing around on the corner...on lots of corners. One of my co-workers saw a shooting a few blocks south of my normal route. What was most disturbing about the shooting was that no-one was upset about it...it wasn't a big deal in that neighborhood...they even preferred not to call the cops about the incident (which doesn't say much about law enforcement doing their job correctly in the neighborhood).

I really like biking this route because:

1. people on the corner are always surprised to see a white girl biking through (like I'm a white elephant).

2. I think it disarms people that I don't look scared...but actually look happy (I generally have a stupid grin on my face when I bike). If I'm not scared ... it seems like maybe there isn't a reason to be tense...maybe... the passage will be peaceful.

3. It's like swimming or doing well on a test...you're scared to get in the water or try at first...but when you do actually jump in or see the results it's rewarding and you want to do it more. This isn't scary. Wow! The world isn't actually scary. (similar feeling to going to foreign country, surviving and making friends there).

For the past week I have been driving my mom's car to work on the West-side. The volvo station wagon feels like I'm in a tank. It makes my heart beat faster in a bad way, I feel anxious and for some reason more AFRAID even though I'm incased in a steel cage.

1. The car feels like I'm trying to hide from the environment (escaping people the way one escapes rain with an umbrella)

2. It's a big status symbol..like I"m trying to show off wealth (unlike being on a humble bicycle)

3. It's something to loose...if the car gets jumped on or set on fire I loose a lot of $

4. I'm less mobile. If the car gets stopped I'm either stuck inside with the doors locked or I jump out and run...I am not fast or known for any type of endurance.

In theater (aka Chekhov) they say if a gun is introduced in the play it MUST go off. Don't put the gun in the play. Don't put the tank in the act. Don't move like you're about to be beaten. Get out of the tank and on your bicycle, it's better for everyone.

2010-03-29T12:03:00.001-05:00

1934 C.E.: the classic Maxwell House Haggadah was published for the first time by the Joseph Jacobs Advertising Agency of New York City, the latter at that time owned by the founder, Joseph Jacobs. The story begins with Jewish people of Ashkenazi descent (Ashkenazi Jews are Jews whose ancestors came from either Central, Northwestern, and/or Eastern Europe) following a traditional custom not to drink coffee during the Passover festival on the mistaken belief that the coffee bean was an actual bean that therefore fell into the category of legumes, and any food which fell into this category was religiously forbidden to be consumed during Passover. In 1923 C.E., Joseph Jacobs, an advertising genius of New York City, consulted an Orthodox rabbi, Rabbi Hersch Kohn, to determine if the Maxwell House coffee bean was, in a technical sense, more similiar to a berry - a fruit - than a bean and therefore, kosher for Passover, meaning it would be permitted by the Orthodox rabbi to be consumed during Passover. After the Orthodox rabbi issued his approval and certification that the Maxwell House coffee bean was in fact, kosher for Passover, General Foods, with the help of the Joseph Jacobs Advertising Agency, started to market Maxwell House coffee for Passover to Jews in New York City in 1923 C.E. Sales of Maxwell House coffee during Passover among the Jewish population rose dramatically. The success of this strategy led Joseph Jacobs to reinforce the kosher-for-Passover message by developing a Haggadah for Maxwell House in 1934 C.E. which, while marketing Maxwell House coffee as kosher-for-Passover to the Jewish population of New York City, was to be printed and then distributed for free to supermarkets across the United States, with free copies of the Maxwell House Haggadah being offered with the purchase of any Maxwell House coffee product, in a clever and successful effort to become a household name among American Jewry. Orthodox rabbis were again consulted to ensure the accuracy of the Haggadah. Since the Maxwell House Haggadah, noted for its simplicity, was given away at no cost, it became one of the most popular Haggadahs not only among American Jewry, but also among Canadian-Jewry. In fact, the Joseph Jacobs Advertising Agency still produces the Maxwell House Haggadah as of this writing in 2008 and as such, it is now the longest running sales promotion in advertising history, with over 50 million Maxwell House Haggadahs having been printed, making it the most widely used Haggadah in the world, and the most widely circulated Judaica item in the world. The result of this advertising campaign was that Maxwell House coffee became the preferred coffee in Jewish households. In the mid-1960's, the Haggadah used a more modern English-language translation, and in 1997, the color scheme, traditionally a blue color, was changed to a multicolor scheme. Today (2008 as of this writing), Maxwell House is owned by Kraft Foods.

O'Reilly Says South Side is like Haiti?!?

2010-01-27T17:43:00.005-06:00

"If you've ever been to the South Side of Chicago, I mean, it's a disaster. Alright?" said O'Reilly. "It's like Haiti. It's like -- I've been to Haiti a couple times, and I support some charities there, but Haiti just never gets better no matter how much money you put in there because they don't have a system.”

Wow! O'Reilly, a Fox News &*@$% Person is going on tour being 'bold and fresh'. Aside from wearing a t-shirt under a sport coat he's being fresh in a Racist, Simple minded, almost leader of All-the-evil-thoughts-and-systems-that-ruins-this-world way.

The Sunday NYTimes buried some actual good news about Haiti it its article, "Imagining a Stronger Haiti Past the Pain" : '...the government of President Rene Preval, elected in 2006, is the most honest Haiti has had in generations. Last year, it presented a two-year development plan that won broad acceptance; at a conference in April, donors pledged $350 million. Crime was falling before Jan 12, and Haiti's police, once a source of terror, had become the nation's most trusted institution. Such progress, though modest, undermines arguments that Haiti's problems are so deeply rooted in its culture as to doom any state -building effort to failure--a mirror image of the claim that the country bears no responsibility for its own plight.'

It is strange how I have come to cherish the NY Times for its thoughtful and informative content...something missing from about ALL other media I come into contact with.

There has been a bit of a hubbub about NYTimes announcing they will begin charging online readers...in 2011. Please! I truly appreciate the Times. I'm from a generation that pays for just about nothing...and takes A LOT when it comes to information stored on the internet. Heck my generation doesn't really like to pay for anything.

But, I happen to know several of my generational co-horts, cheap bastards such as myself, who actually pay the $6 a day for a Sunday times. I don't want everything I like to be a charity (ex: public radio and my place of employment)...it makes them weak! Ny Times has an excellent product, I want old fashioned capitalism to keep it alive...which means people like me who see its value will hand them cold hard cash (or paypal) in return for some of the only thoughtful reporting to be found these days.

Acephelous Performance

2010-01-26T11:36:00.002-06:00

2010-01-18T15:10:00.003-06:00

Things to do in Chicago with Guest

2010-01-03T23:17:00.004-06:00

drink atop the hancock

small galleries in the west loop followed by tacos

MCA on a free day

Shopping in Wicker Park (division and milwaukee) lunch at sultans

Dinner at Devon, Korean grill or Little Siagon

Riding bikes (lunch at handlebar)

visiting the lake

free performance at the cultural center

monday at the empty bottle

picture in a bar picture booth

coffee culture: star lounge, letizias, metropolis, intelligencia

Symphony

The HideOut for soup or Sat dancing

Art Institite

Garfield Conservatory

Old Fashion Movie (theater on southport)(anthropologie)(tango sur steak)

Hair cuts

Thrifting

Maxwell Street

Thousand Waves Spa

Green market

Sunday Craft Fair at E.B.

Fringe theater in Rogers Park (ride the Red Line)

Rent Movie at Odd Obsession

Play in Humboldt Park (kick ball or catch) eat at cart...pinchos, jibaritos o garlic plantains

Dat Donut Southside

Cahokia Mounds

2010-01-03T14:45:00.006-06:00

I picked Nick up in St Louis and we drove back to Chicago on the 28th of December. We stopped at the Cahokia Mounds which are just past East st Louis. It's a 6 mile area that used to have 120 mounds built around 650CE. The biggest, Monks Mound:"A massive structure with four terraces, it is 10 stories tall, and is the largest man-made earthen mound north of Mexico. Facing south, it is 92 feet (28 m) high, 951 feet (290 m) long and 836 feet (255 m) wide."

These are pyramids similar to the ones I climbed in Mexico, but never venerated the same way. They were built so long ago no-one knows who built them, they're attributed to the "Mississippian Culture". Again, a self centered racist history ignores an amazing culture that came before. Time has tied the builders to no-one.

While we walked through the empty snow paths between slopping mounds we spotted a herd of deer. We counted 20 grazing in the snow with their darker coats on. They looked up lazily, not afraid of us.

2009-12-07T07:58:00.002-06:00

it snowed today

a real chicago home

2009-11-19T13:29:00.001-06:00

by sarah miller

I HEART GOLDSTONE!!

2009-10-22T08:59:00.004-05:00

Goldstone just released a UN Report about Israeli war crimes during an attack on Gaza. Israeli government has called Goldstone a traitor and claims there is nothing to investigate...they did not purposefully bomb civilians. It is good to see a devote Jew standing up for JUSTICE. Here's one of the only reports I could find...an interview with Goldstone on Al Jazeera.

Happy 5770!

2009-09-24T12:32:00.000-05:00

2009-08-23T09:20:00.006-05:00

julia et al's videos came out last night. daybued at the debonair social club on their 6 projector screens from 9pm-11pm. I invited a bunch of friends that Julia and I share...people who also happen to be artists and want to support art openings and see what's playing in new spaces. The Debonair is a place we'd never go to, unless expressly invited for some un-dsc type event. I think it's where people go when they want to feel dressed up and classey or maybe a better way of putting it is sexy and expensive.

Nick and I haven't been doing to well. I'm stressed out by the idea of Julia moving out and never seeing her and Nick moving in and only seeing him. Nick's stressed because winter is fast approaching and he's about to loose his bike job...he's trying hard to get a new job...writing tons of cover letters and getting no where. It's very discouraging.

Last night while in the club i guess he gave some women the EYE. I know the eye b/c he's given it to me. it's like beams of magnet rays coming from all three of his eyes and his chest opens up and you get the feeling his ribs want to eat you. As one friend said it, "he projected Sex, sometimes you can't help it." Any way, before the girl who Nick gave the eye left, she came up to our table and whispered in his ear...this small girl with a cute

dress and long long curly brown hair, asking if he wanted to leave with her right then. I was right there and I'm pretty sure he smiled and shook his head.

Oh my god I want to rip that girl's hair out as I imagine her again and again walking away from our table after propositioning nick and walking out the door, with each shake of her tiny hips saying 'it's your loss to the beams that were still coming out of nick'. It also makes me want to break up with nick, have more time to myself for actually getting a hair cut and buying clothes that look good (as opposed to the same stuff from 4 years ago)...yeah...dressing up and not feeling like I look like a tired elementary school teacher at a bar. Tired of feeling completely unattractive.

Let's See Redmoon -Early September

2009-08-20T10:47:00.001-05:00

head weather change

2009-04-18T16:04:00.002-05:00

everyone I know has a headache. Chicago's slight change of weather means the pressure is too much for us to bare. Our brains are crumpling in. How I hate the seasons. All I do in life is fight change and here's mother nature forcing it in my face with bold temps and moistness.

Passover Mission Statement

2009-04-06T15:48:00.005-05:00

MISSION STATEMENT

1. May the paschal lambs blood be properly smeared!

2. The 'passover' of Sarah Miller aims to uplift & support those of ALL faiths who wish to make the life-long suffering (slavery, plauges and wandering in the desert till you die) of others into their own personal dinner party experience.

3. To be interactive and AUTHENTIC in its rememberance of blood + boils, wicked and simple son mentalities.

4. To celebrate FABULOUS jewish heritage

5. To drink a lot of wine.

6. sacred tradition.

The Chicago Tribune--a review

2009-03-15T10:51:00.007-05:00

I've been getting the Chicago Tribune delivered daily to my door since Christmas (thanks Mom). People LOVE to talk trash about the Trib and what a crap-tastick paper it is...how it used to be good, etc. One woman went on strike, wrote them a condescending letter as she canceled her subscription to a newspaper she thought had turned to drivel...which reminds me of my great aunt who complained horribly when the New Yorker Magazine started having fiction that featured sex, and then gasp, when they put ads in the paper. Maybe because of my age and fact that I've been raised in a culture/come to expect everything covered in a thin veil of sex and/or product advertisement.

At one dinner party (not that I go to many dinner parties, but this is the kind of thing you're supposed to say at such events) an arrogant liberal yatcher began to wax on the weakness of the Trib; joking that their headlines read something like: Fall Hats! Where to Find Cheap Hats. He then proceeded to say that Philadelphia's newspaper was by far superior.

"well then go back to Philadelphia!" I wanted to yell as I pushed him, "I enjoy articles on where to buy hats!"

I do like getting the newspaper...and I hate having to be embarrassed that my favorite sections are often termed "style" or as my Dad once told me on one sad Sunday morning with the Washington Post, "They used to call that, the Woman's Section"

Damn, they got me again; just like when I get a free moment alone with a cable television and remote and find myself drifted to the Oxygen channel. When the little station tag pops up I want to kick myself...woman stuff is inherently lame...I must fight my natural lameness/womaness.

Woa! Where did that come from? woman=lame

Probably a couple of waves: patriarchy, followed by sexism, followed by reactionary sexism (aka feminism).

I don't have my writing muscles strong enough to tackle this topic further. So I will go to what is much easier, a review of others reviews/cutting&pasting.

FAVORITE ARTICLES IN CHICAGO TRIBUNE 3/15/09

"Sign of the Times: Please Hire Me Elmo
'The recession is hitting even the nicest street on TV. Workshop, the non-profit educational 'producer, has announced it is reducing its staff by 20%. Some of the other changes we expect:
-the letter "M" will double as the letter "W" and "E"
-Big Bird becomes Medium Bird
-Sesame Street grocery reopens as dollar store
-dead muppets to be buried in a potter's field
-Cookie Monster renamed Ramen-Noodles-and-Saltines monster
-Grover returned to the wild
-Ernie and Bert take a third roommate
-martial law"

[section 1, page 3]

"10 Things You Might Not Know about the Color Green:
#4when military helicopter pilots use night vision goggles, they travel through a world that glows green. Little wonder that they sometimes say they are flying through "green air".
#7 only 3% of americans consider green their favorite car color.
#10Research in December revealed that mens faces are more red and womens faces are more green. The study was done at brown university."
[section 1, page 29]

'news' that sounds like it came from Jon Stewart.

Econ Edu from Ira

2009-02-28T18:44:00.004-06:00

This week there was a really good NPR piece explaining the current economic crisis done the best way 'This American Life' can. We should all know what a toxic asset is...god...I didn't even really know what a regular asset was before. It should be available soon on their website for free streaming. It just takes 50 minutes to listen to it. Anyway you look at it, things are going to change. I wonder if Obama will come in the middle of the night and re-structure all the banks through the US gov't? It happened in Korea and Russia. He says he'll examine the field and wait to take action in 2 months...just the thing to say so they won't suspect your Friday afternoon announcement and weekend raid (I mean raid in only the best of senses).

New CEO of Chicago Schools

2009-02-10T13:07:00.008-06:00

Obama took Arnie Duncan, the head of the Chicago School District, with him to Washington DC. While I can't say educators in Chicago will miss Duncan for anything other than his good looks they are concerned about his replacement.

Mayor Daley wants to push in a new boss...Huberman. Why does that name seem familiar? Ron Huberman is our fearless CTA President (pictured to the right of Daley).

Huberman’s only exposure to education came during his two years serving as the mayor’s chief of staff.

“Ron is a fantastic manager who has proven his ability in many different jobs,” said Daley, in a question-and-answer session with reporters after Huberman’s introduction.

At the financially-troubled CTA, Huberman cut waste, improved on-time performance, reduced dreaded “bus bunching” and cut down on maintenance problems. As the mayor’s chief of staff, Huberman oversaw 49 departments, 39,000 employees and an annual budget of nearly $6 billion. He also ran the city’s Office of Emergency Management and Communications.

Ron went to my alma mater, UW-Madison for undergrad. He moved to Chicago, became A COP and then went to grad school, getting an impressive business degree from U of Chicago. Aren't all Chicago Cops Racist? Is running a school system really the same as running a bus company?

The Best Way to Survive Winter

2009-01-16T17:26:00.002-06:00

be a bear

A large Bird

2009-01-16T13:10:00.002-06:00

I couldn't help the sale...$0.39/pound.
I bought a 12.5lb frozen turkey after christmas.
Julia and I cooked it in shifts.
It was cheaper than eating apples.

I bought a thermometer and a giant pan...so if any one in the area needs one or both of these tools let me know...I won't be using them again anytime soon.

Yule Goat

2008-12-31T10:20:00.001-06:00

The function of the Yule Goat has differed throughout the ages. In Finland, the Yule Goat was originally said to be an ugly creature that frightened children, and demanded gifts at Christmas. In Scandinavia, people thought of the Yule Goat as an invisible creature that would appear some time before Christmas to make sure that the Yule preparations were done right. The goat was replaced by jultomte or julenisse (Father Christmas/Santa Claus) at the end of the century, and the tradition of the man-sized goat disappeared.

One of the men was dressed up as the Yule Goat, while the others pretended to slaughter it. During the singing, different slaughter tools were brought in, and the dance ended with the Yule Goat being slaughtered, and then it would wake up again.

George Eliot

2008-11-12T10:12:00.002-06:00

I just started reading George Eliot. God, she is good. Here's a quote, a shout out to those who have moved.

"Even people whose lives have been made various by learning, sometimes find it hard to keep a fast hold on their habitual views of life, on their faith in the Invisible, nay, on the sense that their past joys and sorrows are a real experience, when they are suddenly transported to a new land, where the beings around them know nothing of their history, and share none of their ideas -- where their mother earth shows another lap, and human life has other forms than those on which their souls have been nourished. Minds that have been unhinged from their old faith and love, have perhaps sought this Lethean influnece of exile, in which the past becomes dreamy because its symbols have all vanished, and the present too is dreamy because it is linked with no memories."

--first paragraph, Chapter 2 Silas Marner by George Eliot

A bit dramatic, laden with insight.

I have been drawn more and more to these pictures of Butoh.

2008-11-08T19:09:00.004-06:00

2008-11-08T12:14:00.004-06:00

A most embarrassing day. A strong desire not to exist. I sat in the back seat of my parents borrowed car and split open in a wet and torn way down the front from my hairy widow's peak to the sternum match point with the low notch of my pretend bra. Julia and Nick were sitting up front. They turned around and looked at me. "I don't think I should go."

We were on our way to Missouri. Nick's family was having a bond fire. I've been so full of anxiety and dread and worry over everything (not particularly bond fires) for quite a while. It's hard for me to even brush my teeth without feeling like something horrible is about to happen. I'm not sick in the way that I think I deserve bad things to continually happen to me, it is just that I think that is the way life is. .. or expect it to turn. The worst than the fear is the ashamed of the sadness. If I was sad and cynical and just loved it in the kind of Emily the Strange, Julianne Moore character in the Big Lebowski, or an Edward Gorian way it would be alright. It would be what people expect and I could feel comfortable being around them. But I'm not Emily the Strange. I'm bossy Sarah. Secretly weak, sad and not able to move more than a worm would fat in the ground.

The three of us bought windshield wipers and I cried for an hour. They just stared at me wondering what was going on. Then they left. I laid down on the couch and didn't turn the heat on. I wish there was something I could do, hold, rub or sit in that I liked.

I am sure there is, it just escapes me.

Roommates/Photobooths in Chicago

2008-09-30T08:51:00.003-05:00

The end of an era. Andrea, Marian and I no longer live together. A good 2-3 year run where things seemed stable, we were all trying for something more (I think Marian is getting pretty close to what she wants with making and publishing and Mel--and Andrea is getting back to art!).

Now Julia and I live together (photobooth picture pending) in a lovely house that I can't seem to move into. I've been more comfortable keeping things in boxes and my mattress on the floor for the past 7 years. Now I think I am slowly getting the nesting bug. I want to do things like water my house plants (before only Jade and cactus survived my minimalist techniques).

J and I haven't really been able to settle in yet because our gas is off, shower doesn't work, and some major construction is pending...but as soon as all that is taken care of I'm sure it'll feel like home.

Now for the important service for Chicagoans.
For some reasons photobooths are really appreciated in this city. Maybe it is that we are vein or that we like an excuse to squish together and sit on someone's lap or that we are still fascinated by technology from the 50's. Just like I wish there was a map of good grocery stores in Chicago, I'll publish a list of good photobooths in the city:

Diversey River Bowl, Chicago
Double Door, Chicago
Empty Bottle, Chicago
Excalibur, Chicago
Hairitics Dye for Your Beliefs, Chicago
Hangge Uppe, Chicago
Heartland Cafe, Chicago
Hogs & Honeys, Chicago
Holiday Club, Chicago
Lincoln Tap Room, Chicago
Local Option, Chicago
Melvin B's, Chicago
Quimby's Bookstore, Chicago
Rainbo Club, Chicago (reliable $3)
Reckless Records, Chicago (really?)
Sam & Willy's, Chicago
Schubas, Chicago
Sheffield's, Chicago
Shenanigan's House of Beers, Chicago
Silver Room, Chicago
Skylark, Chicago ($3)
Sluggers, Chicago
Smart Bar, Chicago
The Village Tap, Chicago --NOTE this one is in color and kinda sucks with a lame border
-Chicago Children's Museum ($1) get a Museum pass from the library first
*Atomix--Adam, the owner, is a big photobooth afficianato. He used to have one in the cafe but recently got rid of it...I happen to know he has his own personal photobooth set-ups. If you're interested in finding out more about photobooths I recommend talking to him.

The SMiller Update

2008-07-20T19:08:00.003-05:00

1. Well I've been back from Israel for a while. Except I never went. I freaked out the last minute and realized that white water rafting down the river Jordan with a bunch of strangers wasn't really what I wanted to do. I made a series of fakation post cards. See them here. I felt overwhelmed by guilt and shame and hid.

2. I coordinated a HUGE fundraiser for West Town Bikes. I was incharge of the over 100 volunteers. They all got fancy t-shirts made out of bamboo and free beer. Should that really be considered volunteering? The hipsters almost lost control of their bowels when I handed them the limited edition American Apparel...do they care nothing for the plight of the starving panda? I hate them.

3. I prepared for my motorcycle drivers test. What won't I do for a boy with a beard? I should probably buy a pair of leather or fire fighter pants so as to protect my legs from being flayed when I inevitably slide across the highway pinned under a 300 pound hunk of Honda.

4. I'm teaching a summer class in a Little Village Boys and Girls Club. The neighborhood sounds ridiculously tame "little village" and the term boys and girls club disguises the ridiculous attitudes and general ridiculous-ness of working with teenagers. Luckily all the frills and funniness of my job disappeared on our first field trip (a five block walk to the park). I led the 18 teens on a forced march to the park for exercise. We'd been there for 5 minutes when a group of boys came running towards us. I went up to the leader and asked "what was going on?" he held up an exacto knife and told us to get the fuck out of the park. Then the blur of gold and tatoos rushed by me after one of my students. I tried to kick/trip him but he chased my kid down and stabbed him a couple of times on the face and the back. Then another was beaten. General mayhem insued as the 20 boys who I later learned were 'Satan's Deciples' the militant wing of the Gangster Deciples scared the shit out of all my students. We finally got out of the park with the help of some homeless men who were hit over the head with bricks (I hung out with them for a while in the ER later that day). The cops didn't show up till we had walked back to the bastion of innocence, the Boys and Girls Club. Only one of my kids was covered in blood. The rest were left alone. I think the S.D. realized we weren't a gang of Latin Kings. So after the leader came back and kicked the white bitch who kicked him in the shins they left us alone.

Luckily the summer program wasn't shut down. But we did decide we wouldn't leave the building unless we were all wearing purple t-shirts (the only non gang color left in Chicago).

Year of the Goldfinch

2008-06-16T23:28:00.003-05:00

Theory that every year has an animal...like the chinese zodiac, except it changes always, not a set cycle. (I don't really want to think of this like a keanu reeves character in Thumbsucker.) Sometimes you have to be in the middle of a year, or look back to know what year it is--like Year of the Wolf if you're a loner and vicious or Year of the Turtle if you get stable and by a house.

I think this is was my year of the Goldfinch. Everyone likes them, they look shiny and special, but they're not really good for much except being seen from far away or flying through a field of vision quickly.

Here's a picture of a dead goldfinch I took a few weeks ago. I think it was hit by a car, there was another goldfinch near this dead one. The live one couldn't move well, it was caught in busy Milwaukee and Chicago Avenue intersection. I was late for work because I stopped and picked the bird up with a plastic bag and laid it down in a near by parking lot (the most peaceful place I could find in the area). The bird in my hand felt lighter than an insect. I'm pretty sure it was on it's way to dying.

I hope this next year is something more useful like a badger or trout.

Pictures from Work

2008-06-15T14:25:00.004-05:00

west town's weekly work

2008-06-15T14:10:00.003-05:00

see a video about West Town Bikes.

It kind of explains all the work I've been doing. I'll probably be shot in other towns for all the smack I talk about neighboring bike projects. Adrian looks good.

Rand

2008-06-15T13:26:00.004-05:00

Yet as we stand at night in the great hall, removing our garments for sleep, we look upon our brothers and we wonder. The heads of our brothers are bowed. The eyes of our brothers are dull, and never do they look one another in the eyes. The shoulders of our brothers are hunched, and their muscles are drawn, as if their bodies were shrinking and wished to shrink out of sight. And a word steals into our mind, as we look upon our brothers, and the word is [Logan Square Yuppies...I mean...as Ayn Rand would say..] fear.

(...)

Our body is betraying us, for the Council of the Home looks with suspicion upon us. It is not good to feel so much joy nor to be glad that our body lives. For we matter not and it must not matter to us whether we live or dies, which is to be as our brothers will it. But we, Equality 7-2521, are glad to be living. If this is a vice, then we wish no virtue.

Anthem. Ayn Rand. published 1937. (page 46-47)

letter

2008-05-19T07:07:00.000-05:00

SUBJ: Seen
TO: Raul
FROM: Sarah

hey Raul,
How's it going? I feel like we haven't talked in quite a while. I miss hanging out.
I'll try to give you an update of my life that doesn't include bikes:
-I just got new laundry detergent, it is supposed to save the planet, and it smells pretty good, I am hopeful.
-Both of my sisters are graduating from College today in Boston. The best I can do at this point is call them and send them something in the mail. What is a good graduation present?
-Issac is going to cut my hair Wed, I might get a mullet.

That's all the news.

--sarah

less good looking performance art

2008-05-05T09:09:00.003-05:00

friend was saying that she was getting more into art, understanding her place in it, as she simultaneously estranged from the things that she used to identify her life by. science, etc.

Jealous. I'm art estranged, and feel more comfortable in spokes with bad wrenches.

do it.

she looks better as she gets older.

Why has Sarah and her posting been sucking?

2008-04-15T09:38:00.002-05:00

Miller Girls

2008-04-08T13:37:00.004-05:00

we seem to match

2008-04-03T11:50:00.006-05:00

I was not in a good mood when I got to Tucson

But, it was pretty. And I could be alone. The mountains were attractive and terrifying at the same time. The way I like most things.

I went to BiCAs, the community bike co-op in AZ. They lent be a beater bike and a map. I left and didn't come back to the shop till it was time for me to fly away. I felt like a fish finding water when I got the bike...and just as upset when I had to give it back.I went to an Indian Reservation. I rode my bike out to the desert mountains to get there. I knew I wasn't in the USA because all the road signs measured distance in km! I had fry bread. and saw old wooden angels.

I didn't have to wear a shirt.

The city smelled like orange blossoms.

2008-03-18T20:59:00.002-05:00

Well Fuck. I'm going to Arizona. Chicago Public School spring break. Packs of Middle Schoolers roam the streets of the City and I sit idly by too sad or bound to the idea of others to do anything.

I bought my ticket to Tucson. I didn't even know how to spell it a moment ago. But I've thought since I first saw burning rocks and a sun that wants to kill that that was where I wanted to be.

I'll go alone. Stay in the airport hotel...which has a pool. Walk around the empty down town. Hike in the desert, maybe sleep there because I don't want to stop walking and sweating. I'll go to a BBQ with the bike kids of the town and then take a bus to mexico. All by myself. I feel better already.

Justin's View in Guatemala

2008-03-06T10:54:00.001-06:00

2008-02-19T08:43:00.003-06:00

Beau Sia

2008-02-15T18:45:00.003-06:00

Watch this video and then all the others.

Volunteering

2008-02-03T10:48:00.000-06:00

Raul and I drove to wisconsin yesterday. It was such a quick and odd trip I didn't tell any of my dear friends I'd be there. Am I actually sacrificing my social life so I can volunteer? boo.

On the way there the truck without weight in the back spun out of control in the snow and fell/zoomed off the highway into a 5 foot deep marsh/median off of I-90. Luckily we didn't tip-over. We spent half an hour trying to get out. We tried everything, but it was hard getting up the steep embankments, because as soon as you make it up you'd be right in the fast lane of the expressway. I spent a long time on the phone with 911, but they couldn't help us because we couldn't figure out where we were...it was so snowy we couldn't see very far and the only thing I could see was a sign that read, 'wisconsin fun, next exit' with no exit number...I kept telling the emergency operator that was all I could see... that and an abandoned farm on the other side of the highway. I hope I didn't sound too frantic. After trying and trying and reversing and reving and pushing in the snow we finally drove half a mile through the frozen marsh and somehow angled and ground our way back on the road...ok, when I say 'we' I mean Raul did the driving...it was a manual transition. Despite the fact that he looks like Che Guevara, Raul is not very revolutionary in his ideas of how women should act or be treated. I wasn't supposed to work too much or use any of my own money...I guess that's nice?

Then we went to a warehouse on the outskirts of madison and got all the crappy bikes 'wheels for winners' would give us (we tried to avoid the huffy's but the bikes with one piece cranks).

Before we could leave town we stopped at Budget Bikes to see if they'd be interested in selling Working Bikes basement bikes in the future. On our way to the shop there was a huge thud...for some reason we both thought a dead body had dropped on the cab of the truck. Raul almost squeeled, "what was that?" I looked up and the roof was still there. Looking behind me I saw the whole back window was shattered, a handlebar trying to get through the glass towards us.

Long story short, we made it home.

Handsome Monkey King, so smart

2008-01-30T14:09:00.000-06:00

" 'Here we daily have a banquet on an immortal mountain in a blessed lad in an ancient cave on a divine continent. We are not subject to the Unicorn or the Pheonix, nore are we goverened by the rules of mankind. Such independence and comfort are immeasureable blessings. Whey, then, does he worry about the future?'

The Money King said, '(...) if we die, shall we not have lived in vain, not being able to rank forever among the Heavenly beings?'

When the monkey's heard this, they all covered their faces and wept mournfully, each one troubled by his own impermanence."

---excerpt from The Money and the Monk: an Abridgment of the Journey to the West
translated & edited by Anthony C. Yu.

Found in a Photo Album

2008-01-08T21:33:00.000-06:00

I found a photo album while visiting my family. It was filled with pictures of my parents and aunts & uncles when they were YOUNG. . . like my age. It was amazing and all I've thought about for the past month since seeing the album so casually placed in the living room next to the couch no one ever sits in.

In the pictures they all look Ridiculously handsome or gorgeous. Maybe it is a rich and privileged thing or maybe just that people were healthier in '78. I worry a little because of the pictures of my dad. He looks different in the pictures. He is darker than everyone in my mom's family; like he's another race. Like he's Jewish, which I honestly never really though meant anything till seeing all the pictures of young pure w.a.s.p.s. Their skin glows, they're slim, smile with white teeth, and their fair hair shines like the small waves of the lake as they sit in sail boats and play with irish setters.

Could I ever be that thin? Does my skin look clear? Should I grow my hair long, wear slacks, and hippy smocks from Guatemala? Did my family really play outside and smile all the time? Should I hire a professional photographer to follow me around in this prime ...before it's too late? They look so happy back then and they don't now. Does that mean they weren't really happy then? All the husbands and wives in the pictures are gone, all 4 of my aunts and uncles have been married twice. They are all currently divorced. My mom is the only one who married once and stayed married. Is this proof that it is stupid to get married or be happy or not be happy. Seeing the world in pictures 5 years before I was born was very confusing.

Now comes the embarrassing part: I stole 2 of the pictures.

They were just so powerful, each snap shot like a time bombs or a wild turtle...something I could stare at for hours and make up stories and theories about.

The picture at the top of this entry is of my uncle edward who died last year. I didn't get to go to his funeral and as a result I feel like someone broke into my apartment while I was at the grocery store and stole something important from me and broke my window. I miss him. He is not young looking in this picture, he has looked that good for the past 30 years. The woman on the far right of the picture is my mom. She is tiny, the dimple on her cheak the largest part of her body. I have the sweater she's wearing in my closet. She looks so happy in the picture...when I think about it now I realize that she has looked sad for the past 20 years.

This picture is of my Grandma. She's tough as hell and likes to make and do. I wish I could be like her.

What really happened over Christmas

2008-01-08T20:44:00.000-06:00

Justin went home with me for Christmas. Well, really he went to the Van-Arsdale-Family-Compound in Kennybunkport, Maine...I mean Castile, NY. He met all 20 of my cousins, remembered their names and the embarrassing topics not to be discussed with each one, like "oh John, nice to meet you. How is it being a single dad? I bet you wish you hadn't married that exotic woman you met while pretending to be an expat. in the 80's in Cambodia."

or

"Charleen, Merry Christmas...this time of year must be weird for you considering you used to be in a cult...and these days the only job you really have is playing the handbells for the local lutheran church. Does that pay well?"

Justin even missed the easy get to know you conversation pitfalls like, "Hello Betty Lou, I can see that you and your dog have put on a lot of weight. Maybe you should stop serving him summer sausage slices on those ritz crackers?"

Yes, he did a good job and even won over some of my little cousins, who I think flirted a little bit too much with him, but that's a topic for another day.

Christmas is nice. I usually get a few lotions from Kmart, socks and a $50 gift certificate to J.Crew, which with the J.Crew pricing scheme and current trends means I can afford a few more pairs of socks...really nice socks.

I do not like christmas for the socks. I like it because of all the crazy relations who come around my Grandparents house and bring home-made eggrolls and truffles and want to play bridge and watch horrible dvds with me and my sisters.

Molly's Cupcakes

2007-12-12T20:49:00.001-06:00

Excellent brothers and Baker. I wish more people would visit in the morning if just to get an excellent cup of coffee.

I lost my wallet

2007-12-11T20:33:00.001-06:00

I lost my wallet last night. It is tiny, red and leather. Looks like a change purse, except it has 5 credit cards stuffed inside and sometimes five and one dollar bills. Last year we celebrated Ira's birthday the same way, and I lost one of my favorite earrings (I still have the other half, but it just looks good and useless in my jewelry box, which is really a fishing tackle box). Danny's is a fabulous bar, one of the best looking I've been to in Chicago (reminds me of nockspeil in in Madison). This bar is so dark and something about being there at night makes you excited and forget normal things, like wallets. Luckily I made it out of the bar with my shoes still on my feet.

I stopped by this afternoon to ask if they'd found my wallet. A good looking man unlocked the door for me as he conversated on a portable phone. He looked older and smart and he talked and he nodded for about 2 minutes and I wondered if I should sign language what I wanted or just wait. "I just clean the place" he said and ended the conversation. Yeah right...if Danny's had a danny this was him, except he looked like more of a Malcolm (I mean that in only the most flattering of ways).

You figure people who leave their wallets at bars are stupid right? They loose control and deserve to get killed or hung out to dry by identity theft cuz they don't know enough to keep their bill fold in their pocket even though all the cash in it has probably been converted to liquid asset and disappeared.

I'd think bar tenders and and owners would hate people who come into their place, or at the very least think very little of them after all the waste they've seen. But this owner was actually nice to me...he looked through the drawers behind the bar; made up stories about empty women's purses and even suggested I look in the bathroom. Danny's is so dark he had to grab a flash light as we went into the back parlor to search. He pulled up the benches and we found not a thing, if he was the cleaner he'd done a good job. I smiled and left.

The night before I had had dreams about canceling credit cards, and calling automated numbers to report something lost or stolen. I hadn't made my bed that morning in the rush and search for my wallet. I felt pretty powerless in the afternoon with no money. The only order I could create was making my bed. I found the red and gold leather change purse under my covers, blamed for bad dreams and other things.

So Handsome

2007-12-08T14:09:00.000-06:00

New Poem and Verb

2007-11-26T11:29:00.001-06:00

Maybe We're Related

2007-11-05T18:09:00.000-06:00

Maybe we don't look exactly the same, but holy smokes, we live in different timezones and we somehow managed to get the same hair cut, mole, business-casual shirts and glasses.

Sunday Dutch Baby

2007-11-03T12:17:00.000-05:00

Does anyone want to go to 'the original pancake house' with me this Sunday morning?

Their signature dish is the "DUTCH BABY", pictured above. It does kind of look like a fetus. Their coffee is good, and they're located underground..literally under some big abandonded looking lincoln park tower. Call me if you want to go.

Calavera City

2007-10-31T12:03:00.002-05:00

New Post for Women

2007-10-28T11:07:00.000-05:00

Last night 3 people commented on how long my hair was. Great, these are the big strides towards progress and personal development that I am making. Really I don't even think I should think of it as progress, it was just a comment...no weight given in either direction.

Time to make direction, to do something. Sure I started a High School Bike Club...with a bunch of potentially political latino boys who want to call their group 'revolution bikes' and have Che Grevera as the badge on their head tubes.

When I ask them what the red 5 point star represents they shrug and say they want it as part of their logo.

The point of this post is I want to start doing work for myself...revolution for something...or direction or whatever. Do more than not cut my hair and hang out for free with high school 17 year olds. I have noticed this uncertainty and hesitation among many of my friends. We've graduated from school or maybe we're about to but we don't know what we want to do. There's a big feeling that we 'can do anything we put our mind to' which is even more debilitating because with all the power we imagine we weild we are unable to make any decisions...what do we want to do? I think this is worse for women because we don't have role models...who's big and powerful and revolutionary that I want to be like? Nino Rota, Che, Godard, Chomsky, Dylan, Oscar Watson, Wes Anderson, Sheldon Brown, Mao, the list of imaginary revolutionaries goes on.

I propose a CONFERENCE

LOCATION: We'll meet in a 'some-what' secluded and spiritual place; either a bed and breakfast in Arizona/New Mexico or a rather isolated part of Haiti...possibly Croatia. It depends on how much time participants can take off of their jobs at cafes and americorp.

DATES: ASAP (5 days...2.5 days of work followed 2.5 of relaxation)

PARTICIPANTS: People who have fiddled with higher education and it has failed them. People who feel like they could achieve a lot and are disappointed in themselves for actually doing nothing and having NO IDEA how to get anything of importance done or even conceptualize such an endeavored....something they thought college would train them for.
23-28 years old. Everyone under 23 has not had enough time to truely suffer in this stagnant state. Those over 28 have suffered too long and have surely given up any concept of a greater good or personal happiness. Women. Just to discriminate further and facilitate ease of conversation. To build some sort of coalition. It helps if you've spent at least a year and a half as an intern or working for some ridiculously low amount of money.

AGENDA: 1. Brain storm---30 crazy things we could put our energy into.
2. Cut it down---pick top 10
3. Choose one each
4. Resources--inventory of what we have and what we need to get it done (using each other also as potential resources)
5. Plans--- in the communist style create 2 year and 5 year plans for achievement.
6. Go on vacation because all the hard work of actually making an uninformed decision is over.

SPEAKERS: Women who have found happiness becoming potters or have moved to Cuba or Angola and are powerful community leaders there...actually garnishing respect. All speakers will either encourage us to leave the U.S. or to give up hope and join some sort of community where we barter and trade instead of depending on a cash currency and sexism to bring us happiness.

****
possible plans of action
****
1. teach for americorp
2. LA make movies that kick everyones ass, both in terms of artistic never thought of before, and themes from a female perspective...barely ever done
3. Kill ira glass and create a radio empire in his wake
4. Run for alderman--win--abolish all cars and parking spots in my ward
5. South of france---do the tour da france year after year--it will require all my life energy, but hey I'll be a ground breaking woman
6. Architect--design buildings that are awesome with glass and plants...I have no idea what this means---feel good about myself
7. Fabrication---make some sort of bike part etc and sell it...best in the market
8. Fabrication---design fabrics and wall paper--new materials focus, wave of the future
9. Sail boats--homage to my uncle edward---live on a boat--be forever tan and alone-occasionally take interns who we train in our completely revolutionary way of thinking and incredible survival skills.

etc etc
please feel free to add to the list

New Friend Crushes

2007-10-15T09:04:00.000-05:00

After the three hours of building we don't want to stop being together...or we want a chance to be even more together, without distractions. Mondays after the build-a-bike class my co-teacher and one of my really cool students and I lock up the bike shop, board the doors, extend security gates and put chains in place (I have 5 keys on my key chain for all the shop locks). Then we ride through the late night alleys and almost empty streets.

First date was a yuppie bar, Cleo's. A place I would never have gone to on my own..or really if I had any choice. For some reason with them I'll trust and realize it really doesn't matter where we go. There are a bunch of cool acquaintances who are wowed by the fact that we are bike mechanics; I'm wowed by the fact they are all PHD students, with extreme degrees and years of living in Berlin under their belt. This is my first time having ten cent chicken wings. They are really good, but I feel real sick after eating 7 of them. Remembering that it was only 70 cents helps me feel better.

Second date, way better. John takes us back to his house. He lives in a neighborhood no white people live in...well no hipsters or 'young' people at least. He is like a colonist in the completely roughing it sense. JUST KIDDING. He lives in a warehouse with a bunch of other manufacturers and artists in an industrial and poor neighborhood. (People really have machines and are making things here.) John's apartment looks like an un-organized antique shop, the kind that is hard to walk through. There are stacks and stacks of books, globes, old long boards, and statues. There are antique bikes hanging from the ceiling on pullies. He is a map maker. There are trails through his apartment, no open space. He has one of the first Thermoses ever invented...it does not look like a thermos. I spend my life trying to have nothing attached to me. Throwing, donating, or mailing everything away every 5 months. I keep my walls bare. You can't even see the walls in John's home. You can see the lofts he has built. The space is kind of small, but has high ceilings. The second floor was built by John. It hangs out over the room, suspended by huge metal chains from the ceiling. That is where his bed is and something else...more storage? He lives in a play house. He gets to climb a ladder to go to bed, and his bathroom doesn't have a door. You can tell he is a bachelor. He wishes he wasn't...I recommend he get a door for his bathroom, ladies like that kind of thing.

We didn't come over to look at his maps and lofts. We came over because John is a serious beer brewer. He has all kinds of machines and actually has two really good beers on tap that he made himself. We sit and drink and his crazy neighbors come in to visit. I do not think they are used to seeing women.

Third Date: Alexis's posh apartment. Alexis is a fabulous person who becomes friends with many people, some friends have incredible connections/wealth. She is currently living in a fabulous apartment for free. It is owned by her friend who is 'eccentric' and has left the country for Belize while Alexis holds down the fort. The fort is amazing. It reminds me that even if I had a ton of money I probably would not be able to decorate or even buy such a keen sense of style. There are huge rubber trees growing in the house. The walls and furniture seem expensive and in good taste. The rooms have secret fabulous things like electric guitars and exotic gay art. She has the left overs of a catered mediterranean meal. We eat trays full of stuffed grape leaves. Drink smoky whiskey and then smoke on the roof. She has a fabulous view of the city on the well manicured roof. This time it is just the 3 of us. We explain what we used to be; how the people we dated are now getting married or pregnant or even more crazy; how we do or don't get money and how that changes us. Things that are nice to talk about, but you know most people don't care about so you keep it to yourself. I am really glad to know that John had to buy his own clothes when he was 14 or that Alexis mistakenly lived in Panama for years and now she turns down jobs that offer to pay her big money because she doesn't think they are what she wants to spend her time on. I am the youngest and it seems to show in that I know the least about my direction and what I should have learned from the past. oh well.

Date 4: It is Monday again. It is my turn to host. What can I do to compete? I don't brew my own beer, I don't live in a fabulous apartment or even really own anything cool. I have been planning this for about 3 weeks. I think my best bet is to make a squash soup and bake bread from scratch. What kind of beer should I buy? Should I get whiskey? Young people and those without much money are generally happy with crap (PBR) but what do older people with money like? Do I really want to know?

I guess it really doesn't matter. We'll probably just end up sitting on my porch sipping and smoking and talking to each other.

*IMPORTANT NOTE* this new friend crush does not in any way threaten old friend crushes and actual friends. You gentle readers of this blog, who have been my friends for years, are still too dear for words. I wish I saw you more. Maybe we should teach a night class together.

2007-09-26T21:04:00.000-05:00

"Whom am I to invite?" asked the night raven.
"Well, to the grand ball, anyone can come," began the old elfin lady. "Even human beings are invited; that is, those who have some small talent akin to ours: such as being able to talk in their sleep. But the party tonight is to be more select; only those of the highest rank are to attend. I argued with the elfin king about the guest list, for in my opinion neither ghosts nor spooks should be on it..The old merman and his daughters, the mermaids, must be the first ones you invite. They don't like to be where it's dry, so tell them that they can count on having a wet stone each to sit on, if not something better. (...) Then there are the graveyard sow, the Hell horse, and the three-legged church monster; it would not do to forget them. They belong to the clergy; but that is their profession, so I shan't hold it against them. Besides, we are all related, and they visit us regularly."

--excerpt from a Hans Christian Anderson story on page 283, of a 1067 page collection. I do love social gossip and ranking so I found this story particularly fabulous.

Justin and I are not seeing each other right now, Rebecca just moved to LA, Andrea is camping in some Kkk southern Illinois town and I've been feeling bored and lonely for days. I've been alone, filling my time by reading...fairy tales.

Day of Atonement

2007-09-21T09:39:00.001-05:00

In Israel Yom Kippur is called 'Day of the Bicycles' by seculars. Because religious jews don't drive cars kids all over the country ride their bikes on the highway. Cool. A picture here of a different celebration.

Mix CD hot off the Press

2007-09-09T18:49:00.000-05:00

Dear Friends and Readers: I just compiled a hot mix cd meant to introduce or remind listeners of some excellent talent and post/present pop culture. If you'd like a copy please contact me and I'll send you one. Here is the Summer 2007 PlayList + Notes. Each track has a link.

1. Sophisticated Boom Boom--The Goodies--I made a performance art piece out of this at a "Great Lakes Exploring Society for Young Women Event". I led participants in a series of ice breaker games and then taught them the 'sophisticated boom boom'. From a great collection of Girl Bands from the red bird label "go girls".
2. Conga Twist --The Revels--I'm way into surf rock and couples dancing.
3. Cha Cha Slide--DJ Casper--Casper invented this for his Baley's Total fitness class...the video is cool b/c it shows chicago. This is kind of the local electric slide...I see little kids in day camps doing the cha cha slide.
4. Filthy Riddim--Lady Saw--Lady Saw is one of few female reggae artists. She has been ban in certain parishes of Jamaica b/c they think she is too lewd. Maybe she is...but I also think she's a feminist and the only lyrics I really under stand are 'honey please before you catch that modern disease...' which I assume is reminding people about safe sex and condoms.
5. Dos Locos--Monchy Y Alexandra--another party hit, this is a Puerto Rican dance beat for "bachata" a really hot and very close couples dance.
6. Al Jazeera--Spencer Kingman--this song could have been written in one of my poetry classes in Madison (and I'm embarrassed to say I like the lyrics). Graham and I saw him open at the Hideout (coolest club in Chicago)...he started here and then like most talent thought he had to go to NYC.
7. Ain't No Sunshine--Rahsaan Roland Kirk--one of the more radical jazz men. A blind flute player who changed his name and made awesome music...check out his album 'Blacknuss'. There's a youtube video of him and John Cage..and he makes Cage seem conservative in every sense of the word.
8. Fatal Flower Garden--Nelsons's Hawaiians--I love the lyrics in this song...really I like any creepy old folk song...they're the kind of tradition I'm happy to pass on.
9. A Minha Menina--Os Mutantes--this is my favorite group right now. They are a psychadelic rock group from the 60's in Brazil. Their music is full of everything...and it was made during a political dictatorship!
10. Let's Make Love and Listen To--CSS-- this band is pretty hot now...and to make the cd flow better,they're from Brazil too.
11. Orange Claw Hammer--Captain Beefheart--I'm tempted to say this is the kind of music I want to make.
12. Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood--Nina Simone--She is rock and roll, tears it up, creative, and emotional.
13. My Moon My Man--Feist--she seems like the new cat power, a little weak compared to Simone...but how can we deny pop...to gain rough points it is rumored that Feist is friends and lives with Peaches in an apartment in Paris.
14. Sugar Baby--Doc Boggs--another gem from the Anthology of American Folk Music.
15. track 06--Ray Charles--this is burned from a burned cd so I shamefully do not know the name of this ...the best song on his best of album. This song is almost too sexy...the grunting at the end?
16. Sexists Exist--Graham and Dave--I feel lucky to have such talented and forward thinking friends

CPS--Just Go!

2007-09-03T10:16:00.000-05:00

Chicago is dotted with signs these days with "CPS--Just Go!". Just Go is evidently the new slogan of the Chicago Public School System. Just Go?

This is horrible. Do they think they can fool kids with being semi like a Nike ad? Our generation was raised with ads like fairy tales...we may not know what is completely true vs fake, but we do know a quality story when we see it.

All the signs do is remind students that there doesn't seem to be a good enough reason to go to school in Chicago...at least not one good enough for them to put on thousands of signs across the city. And it reminds students of what dim-wits are running the Chicago Public Schools, or at least their marketing department. Attendance is such a problem in CPS they have special awards/prizes for pupils who attend the first 2 weeks of school. They get corporate sponsorship to give away Ipods and Sox tickets.

With all this in mind, did I ever tell you about the High School I visited in Little Village (a Mexican Neighborhood West of Pilsen)? I was asked to teach a drivers ed class about how to share the road with bikers. This was great. I can't believe how drivers are not required to learn anything about how to share the road with bikers! (We are slowly getting it required for taxi driver certification in the city.)

The school is new, big and beautiful with lots of natural light. The drivers ed teacher was a really cool woman who seemed like she was skilled in Martial Arts and some how communicated this to myself and the students. The classroom we were in was covered in pictures of Che Grevera and masked Zapatistas. There was a big poster that I think I recognized from one of the side bathrooms in lothlorien, it read "the US, Exporting Terror since 1940, Panama, Honduras, Iran, Grenada, Iraq...." I don't remeber the exact date on the poster or all the countries listed, but I do remember being like "holy shit" the US government is paying for these kids to learn this. Awesome. Of course they are teenagers and it was drivers ed on the last week of school before summer vacation so I had a really hard time getting them to pay attention. As I was trying to get a shy girl in the back to tell me how a motorist should aproach a biker at a stop sign when they want to turn right "Get Up Stand Up, Stand Up for your Rights" started playing on the loud speaker. Yes, Instead of a bell, at this school they play Bob Marley between classes! I was so impressed that someone actually was changing what I thought had to be burned into youth as a fake edition of Zak Morris meaninglessness . . . The community is organized against bad traditions and I like to think they are raising a subversive army of young Chicanos who while change the country, move it from our entrenched manifest colonialism.

Then I go to Tilden and meet kids who can't read... and I realize I'm one of the only teachers who realizes Eugene can't read. What should I do to help him? I am ashamed that I don't really know the answer. Am I able to help change things for the better or would I just be a missionary. I really like the idea of 'change for us, by us'. I know that I am not really part of the oppressed 'us' (being a woman and semi jewish may help me understand what it means to be treated differenetly or semi-hated, or not completely considered a person; it is by no means the same as being a young black man with a single mom on the south side of Chicago). "For Us By Us" also sounds like something Social Darwinists and Capitalists believe as they claw to the top... I should stop making excuses and call Eugene's mom ( I have her phone number in my spiral notebook). I should talk with her about her son's learning disability and see what I can do to help or what resources I can find for him.

Cubs Win

2007-08-31T14:52:00.000-05:00

Last Night I went to a cubs game! Rebecca's Dad had bought tickets to see the Milwaukee Brewers play the Cubs @ Wrigley Field. One of the tickets was meant for Nate, but since he left the day before for a year in Vietnam I was asked to take his place...lucky for me. I've never been to Wrigley and all I really know is that tickets seem expensive. The game was good. People talk a lot about how horrible and stupid cub fans are and how bad people from LincolnPark etc are in general. I didn't really know what they meant until yesterday.
The guys who sat behind us spoke like they were at a frat party and they were 19 years old, talking about 'dem bitches, fucking shit, and real estate.'

They were so loud and so rude. Rebecca's dad said the only times there are ever fights in Milwaukee over baseball it inolves a cubs fan...nationally known for being heathens.

It isn't simply that they are rude, it was amazing seeing what a detailed culture they have. There are ritual standings, sittings, cries and songs the entire stadium sings. Watch this video made by Ira Glass about Lincoln Park culture. He made it for this American Life, and it aired on the radio...but I think the video is particularly frightening in this case. Let me know what you think.

2007-08-21T13:39:00.001-05:00

I'm in madison and there are SO MANY bikes. There are so many people don't even need to use locks, it would be like charging for water usage in Chicago.

Time Off

2007-08-18T15:06:00.000-05:00

Can you imagine taking two years off. Instead of going to grad school you would just focus on cooking healthy food, reading, keeping your apartment clean, and increasing your ability to communicate thoughtfully and clearly through writing. This is kind of what I'm doing right now. It is hard, I walked by a bakery/cafe yesterday with a 'for hire' sign up and really wanted to apply. What would be the point? I do not need the money right now...it is just hard to justify your existence or be alone with your thoughts all the time which is what inevitably happens when you have nothing you Have-To-Do.

Would reading a lot make me a better person? I think it would only sink in to a meaningful level if I took notes. My granddad just wrote me a letter. He finished a book I gave him, Devil in a White City. It is about Chicago in 1893 with the worlds fair, wraps up politics, progress and a serial killer in a sweet non-fiction tale that almost all the hipsters have read in Chicago. My granddad sent me a book report/thankyou letter. He always takes detailed notes when reading books, lists of characters, etc. He also writes letters a lot and keeps a diary he writes in everyday. He has typed his memoir. He does not get paid for his writing, but he does it anyway. I think he is what you would call a 'man of letters'.

This morning was kind of rough. I didn't drink any coffee or eat breakfast and I had trouble getting anything done. I went running and spent the day worried about the urinary tract infection I have had for the past 4 weeks. I always live with these things and try to ignore them, if I was a soldier trying to survive a war this might be a good tactic. I think it has spread to my kidneys. Drinking all the water and cranberry juice I can now will probably not help me.

I went back to bed which always feels like a defeat at 12:30 in the afternoon. Then I got up drank 2 cups of coffee and read a eulogy Howard Zinn wrote for Kurt Vonnegut which made me cry. Now I am ready for the day.

This is how the article began:
"Kurt Vonnegut, who died recently at eighty-four, liked to quote Eugene Debs, when Debs addressed the judge who sentenced him to ten years in prison for protesting U.S. entrance into the First World War: 'Your honor, years ago I recognized my kinship with all living beings and I made up my mind that I was not one bit better than the meanest on Earth. I said then, and I say now, that while there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; while there is a soul in prison, I am not free.' "

It makes me think about privilege?

Bike!Bike! : return of the double title

2007-08-15T10:20:00.001-05:00

I just got back from a long weekend in Pittsburgh where I learned a lot. For example, I did not even know that Pittsburgh had an 'h' at the end. I went to meet the call of "Bike!Bike!"...an annual meeting of community and collective bike projects from around the Americas (activists from Guatemala and Winnipeg were present). Bike!Bike! started after Hurricane Katrina when the NOLA bike collective decided they had to call on the resources of their sisters and brothers from around the country to build "plan-B"...maybe it is just a big hot bike party? or maybe a fixed gear masturbation circle? or maybe an excuse for dirty anarchists to act like they can actually get anything done?

All these things were suspected, but unclear from the safe haven of Chicago cycling...a city that has more bike programing than any other city in the USA (I happen to have keys to over 70% of the shops).

I got to go with three men I absolutely love to represent Chicago. I accidentally took the night bus with a bunch of suburb christian community bikelists. They were cultish, one had a baby I bet she didn't want, they had packed special food, planned to sit all together, kvetched that other people were rude, etc...I took a sleeping pill and the 11hour bus ride was fine by me.

For all my complaining about the suburban christian cult I must say they mildly saved me because upon arriving in Pittsburgh we were all ridiculously lost (the city planning makes little to no sense compared to the chicago grid). We all got a cab together, and I must admit I might have thanked "יַהְוֶה" aka Yahweh they took me under their wing...it also made me want to say more stuff in yiddish and wear lots of gold jewelry with stars of david and hebrew letter charms about health and wealth.

I had contacted the organziers of the conference earlier (3days earlier) and they had asked me to lead some of the conference workshops on youth programs and bikes! I may have presented myself as a bit of an expert..but holy smokes they believed me!

I worked with 2 other teachers (one from Cali and one from Phili) and we led presentations and discussions on how to work with kids and bikes. The bikers were confused as all hell. They thought because you know how to fix a bottom bracket you should be able to lead a group of kids from the projects through your shop no problem. They complained about everything from bikes being stolen, wrenches flying through the air into someone's head, to the plain belief that children simply are little monsters.

I like to think I kicked their hippy hipster anarchist asses by telling them they had to be fascists and that you have to be tough for kids to like you, punish them! It was hard for a lot of the gentle revolutionary hearts to handle, but I think they'll realize I'm right after having 20 bikes stolen and then finally calling the cops.

That said, the divide was split pretty evenly between hipsters, anarchists, and hippies. The crowd wasn't too stratified, I went to a diversity training, where the hottest thing said was one fool man who said he'd been accused of racism several times said he was oppressed by women and the fact that lunch was vegan and he was a meat eater. The best people there were the ones who work with kids more than they work with bikes...and everyone from Arizona seemed to be too fabulous for words.There was a Spandexxx party which I might have been to last year either in chicago or madison...the truth is the crowd was really nerdy and people really just wanted to talk about bikes, community, equity, and education. People had to get REALLY drunk to start the dancing. I left early because, as a serious dancer, I like to start tearing it up before my coordination is wreched...I also done my first ever alley cat race, which was ridiculously hilly and confusing, even though I came in 3rd for women (there were only three women in the race, even though I only did 2 of 6 check points I also happened to be staying with the girlfriend of the race organizer...so I nepotized that prize).

Junior Ambassadors

2007-08-07T13:15:00.000-05:00

This is who I've been working with..love 'em

Fast Foot Work

2007-08-04T10:35:00.000-05:00

Chicago does have it's own dance style...a lot of them. My kids have fast feet, and have even made fast footwork bike safety presentations. Click the link above to see Dude 'n Nem's "watch my feet".

How many people outside of Chicago have heard of DJ Casper and the 'Cha Cha'? It gets played at every block party. I like the video. I think it is old fashion (do people really dress like that anymore?) and it's all shot in Chicago.

The end of Mass

2007-08-04T10:31:00.000-05:00

Critical mass ended at the car spike last week. Some one's cell phone took this picture. I was at a wedding in Rochester when all the cars flew to heaven in the first step of the rapture. The cyclists were a little pissed, they thought they'd been doing everything right.

Eating Contest

2007-08-02T07:37:00.001-05:00

This eating contest is for real, bacci pizza, home of the jumbo slice gives $2,500 to whoever wins. It is SO tempting to enter, I mean my job is ending and what do I have to loose? Everything, starting the competitive eating circuit would be like starting a less popular drug habit. I'll let you, gentle readers, figure that simile out on your own.

Chicago Beach Review

2007-08-01T21:36:00.000-05:00

I'm a big fan of lists and putting things in order as in " I Like that and I Hate this".

So, here's a list of what one should do in Chicago in the Summer.

BEACHES
Best: 49th St beach-- a hidden alcove on the south side surrounded by boulders. Private, there's usually only one european lesbian couple bathing here. The water is smooth and clear, reminds me of Jamaica. You can actually swim laps here with out the bother of a life guard yelling at you...but there's still the convenience of a bathroom across the bike trail.
2nd Best: Loyola Beach (7700 North) --This is a beautiful haven, what I imagine devil's lake to be like. There's a beautiful view of the lake (not all views are the same) the water always seems glassy and I think I accidentally told my co-worker, Shanell that I thought it was what God looked like (the invisible line between water and sky). Not a tourist beach, there are older women who like to swim and people who like to read by the water and kids and Roger's Park is really diverse, one of the only places where black, latino, and white kids play together which is nice to be a part of. Heartland Cafe also has a beach side cafe, for what I like to consider hippy gourmet food by the sea (both of those are just wishful thinking on my part). 3rd Best: Foster Beach-- there are always a lot of people here just loving the beach and you are probably the only yuppie present. There are also mexican carts selling corn on the cob with mayo (don't knock it till you try it) and fresh mango, cucumber with chili and lime, elotes, etc.

Worst: North Avenue-- Frat/sorority party. Way too crowded. Found a big thing of poo floating in the water. Riding or walking on the trail here is super treachy (aka treacherous). Maybe it suffers from being too easily accessible.

In other news 3 of my 8 Junior Bicycling Ambassadors were jumped while at .... the grocery store!! They were on lunch break, went to the downtown grocery store, 7 strangers started beating on them in the face, stomping on them while they were on the pavement and then stole their bikes. Has this ever happened to you at Jewel-Osco? The whole time Shanell and I were wondering where they were and why they were late from lunch. Two hours later we got a call.

2007-07-25T07:47:00.001-05:00

My nana died July 1st. In a hospital bed in NoVa. She'd been in that bed for so long her coccyx was disintegrating. I had seen her 3 weeks before she died, she flirted with my boyfriend and told him she'd never met a piece of chocolate she didn't like. He has diabetes. He smiled.

Jewish funerals happen really quickly. As soon as you hear someone died you start a timer and have about 48 hours before the whole family convenes for the funeral. Her body was flown or took the train or something back to norfolk. The service was held in the same pink and klenex covered funeral parlor as my Papa's 14 years ago. Fourteen years ago there were a lot of people at his funeral, people from the neighborhood etc. For my nana's there were maybe 2/3ds less. Her only friends came from the Jewish nursing home she'd stayed in a year before. One woman was named Pearl. She was the picture of class, she held up a string of costume jewelry pearls that hung down below her waist and she proudly stated that Rose (my nana) had given the necklace to her because they reminded her of 'Pearl'.

Jewlery is really all my Nana had left at the end of her life. Rings, earrings, necklaces, big bracelets. Most of them were gold, or looked like gold. My mom tried to give me some new undershirts she had just bought for Nana (I took 3) and then she gave me some chewing gum that nana had had at her bedside in the hospital. It was a little strange chewing the gum. It is all gone now (it was a 5 pack of double mint, only slightly stale).

I miss her.

Village People Musical

2007-07-20T15:25:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Brian, for booking this at the Music Box. Justin and I saw this midnight movie and were 50% of the audience (really there were only 3.5 audience members). It isn't just that I love Steve Guttenburg and extravagant musical numbers about milkshakes...
click on the picture and watch the preview.

2007-07-10T23:28:00.001-05:00

yes, I spend too much time with bikes

Mon-Lakefront Bike ambassador 8am-4pm
Tue--Lakefront Bike ambassador 8am-4pm
WestTown open shop 7pm-10:30pm
Wed--Lakefront bike ambassador 6am-2pm
Thur--Lakefront bike ambassador 9am-4pm
Working Bikes Women's night host 6:30-11pm
Fri--Lakefront bike ambassador 8am-2pm
Sat--volunteer @ Blackstone 12-5pm
Sun--teach bike mechanics @westtown 12-5pm

and then do it all over again.

is this really how I want to spend my time?

wouldn't I rather just be in Europe or simply writing?

amazing zoom

2007-06-26T18:20:00.000-05:00

I recently broke one of my roommate's cereal bowls.
In an attempt to replace it I went searching in silly online
places like CB2. Click on the picture above and it should take
you to the CB2 website. Click on the $8.95 tray and it should lead you to an amazing feature of... infinite zoom-in. The tray is awesome because it looks so 'real fake'...yes that is a term, and when you look at the website you'll understand what I mean.

yes, I have a fade

2007-06-23T08:30:00.001-05:00

new goals

2007-06-21T16:30:00.000-05:00

it started today.

I no longer work/have a job, and I'm no longer at my parent's house (I visited them for 3.5 days last week).

What am I now?

Today the lovely term 'On Sabbatical' came to mind. I am on sabbatical this summer in chicago.

Sabbatical Goals:
1. Look for a job
-one that I want to do for more than 5 months
-I'm prepared to train for this job
-I've checked craigslist 12.75 times today
-what I should do is think about the companies I want to work for or talk to people who do
what I want to do.
2. Try to decide what I want to do
3. Try to decide how long I belong in Chicago
4. Be ethically lean and fit
-have noticed that people's pets are as fat as they are
-I don't want to be fat/have fat
-to be skin pulled over muscle...that sounds more crazy than i wanted it to
-exercise should be a part of my life...how will I do that if I don't get paid to ride my bike?
-eat simply...fresh instead of rich food
-save money: cheap/free dance and yoga classes? cooking with people instead of going out?
-should I try the philosopher's diet and do away with sugar and flour...limit self to 1,200 cal per day?
5. Everything in its place
-have some sort of cabinet of Wonder with little boxes so my life is organized and filed away
-all the things that can be filed away can probably be thrown away (cycle things out to brown elephant)

6. General/viral revolutionary activity
how do you change the world you live in?
I made a list...it is obviously silly
-cut my own hair
-eat local organic
-recycle office paper and turn old clothes into grocery shopping bags
-own very little
-learn new serious skills (html writing, wheel building, sewing, etc)
-spend more time in public places

2007-06-09T17:10:00.001-05:00

saboteur

2007-06-07T09:02:00.000-05:00

I think I have been trying to 'let myself go' and get into some pitiful state of being so as to make my former employer feel sad and guilty for wasting one of the brilliant minds of our time. I see myself a leather skinned/too much sun messenger with almost dreaded hair, missing teeth, riding a crappy bike downtown as a messenger...all the bike non-profits would see me and shake their head as they witness my slow deterioration..."what a shame" they'd say to each other.

Then as for a final show I'd get hooked on some ridiculous drug like Ecstasy or crack and would be found sleeping downtown on the sidewalk while dressed up people with health insurance would step around me during their lunch break. That'll show them not to fire me...or at least send them into a world of regret.

This was my subconscious plan. I recently voiced it to myself and Justin and realized the faults in said plan. All the non-profit scabs will really just think to themself "wow, we were right not to hire her, she's obviously a loser...and a user...and a..."

What I have to do now is get a job with the United Nations or the NY Times or something way better than them...that'll make em wish they had me back...which is all I really want (I don't actually want to go back). some might say I should worry more about myself being happy instead of just focusing on making other people sad/regretful. Life is obviously too short.

Weekend ride and sugar

2007-06-02T10:42:00.000-05:00

Time to get serious. As my work with the Fed and CPD ends I have more time to organize the finer things in life, like friendly bike rides, exploreres club, and fried dough.

Anyone interested in riding down to 85th St and Cottage Grove next Saturday with me? The destination will be 'Dat Donut' I had one of these in February in the library of Tilden High School. It was at that moment I knew that there was something good and pure in this vast city of mediocer taste...it gave me hope...maybe I wouldn't have to move to LA or Boston to be surrounded by the enlightened people who know what a REAL donut tastes like.

This morning I talked to Shanell about my planned trip and she asked why I wanted to go (she lives a couple blocks from the shop so it isn't such a big deal for her). Why do I want to ride 40 miles (round trip) to get a donut? A: So I can eat guilt free..even though I know that after extreme exercise eating unhealthy food usually doesn't make your body feel any better...i'll probably get there and just want to eat a carrot and drink water. In other sugar food news. Wed I went to Margie's ice cream...someone sitting next to me made me laugh and I projected icecream out of both nostrils and my mouth (in essence I threw up out of my nose). I had streaks of snot/icecream all over my face, pants, and table (luckily none of the other guests were hit by the shrapnel).

Chic-a-go-go

2007-06-02T09:09:00.000-05:00

This is the best...look it up on youtube. or cable access. Does anyone want to go today? It starts at 12:30. All you do is show up and dance to some rad band with kids and older people strutting their stuff. Should I wear a costume? Or is it passe and rude to even wear sunglasses to such an event?

This show is almost too good to be true...which frightens me and makes me not want to go.

2007-05-17T08:09:00.000-05:00

have you noticed everyone's doing push-ups these days? And I mean EVERYONE.

L.A. Sit?

2007-05-09T08:51:00.000-05:00

Why is LA so fabulous? Everyone exercises and at the same time loves donuts and coffee (there are donut places EVERYWHERE, and not a dunkin d. to be seen, all local, all organic. jk last bit). You know something is popular when there are several versions of it with drive-thru options. Yes there are cars, but there are also a LOT of bicyclists and lots of bike lanes and signs telling drivers to share the road.

I love 'exercise'
I love sun
I love bike lanes
I love donuts
I love coffee

The best part of the trip might have been the 4am visit Rebecca and I made to Randy's.

It was dark and cool outside right before we devoted ourselves to LAX and leaving. We hung out in the parking lot eating long johns and coffee and were rewarded by the celebrity sighting of Randy himself...I think his license plate read 'donut king' or 'fattest donut' or something like that. It was somehow VERY reassuring.

2007-05-04T12:59:00.000-05:00

Rebecca and I made new friends in Venice Beach. Lots of skaters...rebecca and I were tempted to get a tandem bike. Instead we just hung out on the beach, ate fish on a pier, and drank 24oz cans of PBR.

We take 1.5 hours a day to write extensive journal entires.

Now we will rent a car and drive north along the coast to the Sarah Winchester house.

Hopefully we will be just like the movie Sideways and stop at a vineyard.

In an attempt to culturefie myself I am reading bukowski poems and listening exclusively to pet sounds.

LA-venice beach

2007-05-03T09:49:00.000-05:00

I missed my plane to LA...that's how little time I have these days, or how poor I am at leaving room in my work for my life. I knew the only way I could really escape was to leave the time zone and let my beach magnets on (they hang out in my ovaries and thyroid glans and make me feel and act like I'm stoned as soon as I have physical contact with the combination of salt and sand..and it makes my hair curl).

I made a later flight because all I'm carrying is my bike bag (nothing to check and no knives)
Rebecca and I met in the LAX airport. She had made reservations at a beach hostel for us the night before.

We take an airport shuttle ($13 each) to venice beach. Our driver is eastern euro and asks people, "vat do you vant?" He also says the speed limit in cali is 75...not the usual 55mph of Virginia. I am even more tempted to rent a car ($15 a day) and drive up the coast to San Jose and San Francisco.

For now rebecca and I are in the hostel, which is JUST LIKE LOTHLORIEN, yikes. the same odd hippy paintings/murals on the walls and vagabond young men hanging out in the halls. $86 for a room that could sleep four, one block from the beach, free coffee and pancake mix in the AM and free rice or pasta in the PM (weird).

Rebecca and I check in and seem dead because of the 2 hour time difference, we worked all day and yes we are the living dead.

The area is pretty dead at night so we walk along secret allies and beach avenues. The little bungalos are AWESOME and the plants are so different from what we have at home...there are cacuts and roses all over everything, there's more street art too, graffiti, murals and skaters. This is what living in VA Beach would be like. Not what most think of when they think of LA.

I'm going to go get coffee (we're across from a restaurant called mao's kitchen). Rebecca is still sleeping. She had the wonderful idea of getting a six pack and just sitting on the beach today. Yes.

the good boss

2007-04-12T10:55:00.000-05:00

last week Instructor #D spent $60 on pizza for his class. What a mensch. All the kids loved him. It is the duty of bosses everywhere to buy snacks and pizza for their employees. I bought 75 donut holes for Apprentices at School #T. Now I have their allegiance for the rest of my life...and I got worn out trying to keep sugar hyper youths sitting in chairs and talking about bikes. well worth it.

Deer For REAL, this time

2007-04-04T22:46:00.000-05:00

Where has she been? Four days ago while I was slowly hanging out in a parking lot, a slightly angry mob pushed me into a glen. The mob was mostly comprised of a bunch of deer... wearing fake mustaches. It was pretty intimidating. They made me stay till today.

2007-03-30T20:53:00.000-05:00

Dept of Transport has decided: I am decidedly NOT doomed to the life of the office administrator...

I am however doomed to worry about rotten teeth and expensive health insurance.

2007-03-18T21:26:00.000-05:00

Was it possible to repair the machine in New Orleans? Probably so. However, it might have to be sent to some place like Milwaukee or Chicago or some other city whose name Ignatius associated with efficient repair shops and permanently smoking factories. Ignatius hoped that the baseball game was being carefully handled in shipment, that none of its little players were being chipped or maimed by brutal railroad employees determined to ruin the railroad forever with damage claims from shippers, railroad employees who would subsequently go on strike and destroy the Illinois Central.

confederacy of dunces, read upon the request of my father

2007-03-15T23:14:00.000-05:00

I'm teaching this class with Justin. Which is slightly outrageous because neither of us has ever worked as a mechanics...we are just bike nerds. If you want to spend time fiddling around with your bike at westtown with me, write an email. The class is filling up. The bike in the flier was patented in 1890.

Some might think it is stupid to spend my weekdays and weekends on bikes...but if someone wants to teach me I can't say no. I imagine taking what I know and moving to Virginia Beach or China and leading a quiet life as a mechanic.

stress bleeder

2007-03-12T23:18:00.000-05:00

I've been so stressed lately my nose has started bleeding.
It just runs blood on its own, which is embarrassing because
people must think I'm doing coke...too bad I'm naturally
twitchy, over anxious, paranoid, and plagued by a feeling
of euphoria that drops to a deep depression every 20 min.

In a fit of irony the tension of work, art performance and an
illicit crush: while making my nose bleed have made my period
stop...this is worrisome because the only non-pregers women
I know who don't get their periods are bulimic/fucked up.

In good news, my condition is something that attracts
employers like a pheromone. I've gotten 2 awesome job
offers in the past week. In bad news, my condition is something
that scares the shit out of every hipster boy I approach with
any mild pass at romance.

2007-03-08T05:55:00.000-06:00